Hey, guys.
After my first year of college, and doing some deep self-reflection, I realized that there were a lot of areas of my life that I could have excelled in, but the desire to conform stopped me from doing so. So I decided to hop on a journey of bettering myself. And it has been great! Within the past few months, I have experienced so much growth. My grades have improved, I’ve been consistent in the gym, eating well, making solid friends, etc.
However, one area of my improvement journey that has me feeling some type of way has been with regard to girls. My first year, I was pretty outgoing and sweet, but I found that being around a multitude of women was not beneficial to me at all. So I ended up cutting off a lot of the girls I talked to freshman year. I even went as far as going through Snapchat and leaving groupchats and unadding any women that I either didnt really talk to or hadn’t even met in life.
My only dilemma is that I feel sort of guilty and ashamed for doing such a thing. When I talk to guys, I usually maintain the same depthful, intellectual conversations like I’ve always done. However, aside from a few girls, I tend to shy away from social interaction with them. I will usually make shallow small talk and try to move on with my day.
I don’t know why, but doing such behavior kind of makes me feel like a dickhead, as I feel sexist by avoiding female interaction. However, compared to my freshman year self, doing such a thing is what has allowed me to really focus on the things that I need to in life.
As a result, I am wondering if doing what I’m doing makes me a bad person fr. I feel like I should keep persisting until I accomplish my goals, but at the same time I feel uncertain.
Thanks for the advice in advance!