I was a best man at my childhood friends wedding. I was so happy for him, and so honored to be a best man for the first time. But I didn’t get to enjoy it.
On the day, my wife was in the worst mood all morning for no reason. I had to constantly attend to her instead of having the peace I would have needed to get ready for the day, which I was obviously nervous about. I left a few hours before her to help out with the groom.
Later, she arrived with other guests at the church where I was already prepared and standing next to the altar. I walked up to her to say hi and give her a kiss. She had been crying. I asked what’s wrong. She said something about her hair and dress being a disaster. Then she insulted me with something I don’t remember. I just remember being shocked and furious inside, having to put up a smile.
She got mad at me twice during the day for the smallest things, while I was trying to entertain everyone (including her), and attend to the bride and groom. I was so embarrassed to be around her because people noticed her behavior.
After dinner I took her outside to talk. We fought, and I got her to realize what she’s been doing all day. She cried and apologized profusely, and I had to console her. I had to back down and lie to her that it’s ok, it’s not a big deal, so I could get her to stop crying.
So the night moves on and I’m relieved I’m finally gonna get to relax and have fun. Well guess what. Now my wife is pouting because she ruined my day. She burst out crying about it at least twice more. Unable to stop, she ruined the rest of my night as well. We ended up leaving earlier than I wanted to. That was it. That day was a once in a lifetime thing. Ruined for nothing.
I can’t tell you the other stories. Too much for one post. But she kind of ruined our own wedding day too, and she once again ruined another friend’s wedding for me where I was the best man.
That last one was especially bad, because one of my best friends was there as a guest, and he was moving abroad the next day. He wanted to say goodbye, because we weren’t going to see each other for a long time. We had the best heart to heart talk. He said he loves me and he’s gonna miss me. I said I love him too, and we’ll see again soon enough. This whole time I had to keep an eye on my wife who got increasingly anxious every time I spent time in someone else’s company. I didn’t want a fight with her, so I politely cut my friend short after some time. Later, I ended up having an argument with her anyway.
The next day my friend left. I never saw him again, because a few months later he died over there. I keep thinking about our talk. I’m so happy we had it, and I’m so sad I had to rush out of it.
These things happened over the course of ten years. Obviously I can’t tell you her side of the story for context. I don’t know what I had done to deserve this. To this day I don’t have a clear explanation to her behavior. Just something about me not giving her enough attention, and her being jealous. I’m just now starting to realize what she has taken from me, and how hurt I am.
She’s not like this. These are a few rare occasions that this really shitty side of her has come out. I can’t talk to her about it, because the guilt would crush her. But it’s weighing on me pretty bad, so I just have to get it out somehow.
If you have a clue what something like this could be, or what I should do, please tell me. No need for divorce advice, thank you.
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**Edit:** Thank you for your comments. Lot’s of people are suggesting that this is indicative of narcissism or borderline personality disorder. I hadn’t considered those at all. After looking them up, the symptoms mostly don’t match. A few do, but mildly. Both NPD and BPD have symptoms described as “intense”, or severe in some way. I don’t see that at all day-to-day. The frequency doesn’t fit either, because these things haven’t been frequent. Not even yearly. This is good insight though, and worth for me to take note of. She has had anxiety recently, and she’s getting help for it. I left that part out because I didn’t want it to cause bias in your responses, but also because I don’t think it was the cause of these incidents. They seemed different compared to what she’s going through now. Of course, there may or may not be a connection. But I felt it would be more useful to hear from you without knowing that, since it wasn’t known to us back then either, and for all I know, wasn’t an issue then.