We have been together for almost two years now. For the last 6 months, maybe more, we haven’t been sexually active and rarely even intimate with each other.
Early on in our relationship and even before we started dating they mentioned they have a high sex drive. For roughly the first year we were pretty frequently sexually active. But something changed and I keep directing my focus to something im doing/done.
The sex itself can be great and at other times just okay. But we’ve had several occasions where we are both very satisfied. Still, I’ve been worried that its because of my lack of sexual experience. A few occasions I’ve actually killed the mood.
They are the love of my life. Lucky beyond belief to have found such a beautiful connection with another persons. Our likenesses and our differences together make me amazed as to how mysterious the universe works. They make me feel empowered and loved. We have a reasonably open communication, I’ve brought up my thoughts about this in conversation a few times and we both agreed that we’d like to try and make time for the bedroom. They initially mentioned that after moving out of their apartment and in with a roommate (54F) it feels weird to be having sex under the same roof if she can hear us especially with the age difference. I respected that and still do but when we have moments to ourselves, they don’t want to take advantage of our time alone. It hasn’t bothered me much but lately it’s been increasingly concerning. Not only because of their previously mentioned high sex drive (they used to boast about) but because I feel its something I’m doing or have done also because it doesn’t seem to bother them at all. Are they no longer attracted to me? Have I opened up and been TOO vulnerable emotionally and now they can’t see me sexually? Have I pushed too much to be more sexually active and now compromised our relationship? It’s staring to effect my insecurities/trust in our relationship.
I’m just not sure how to bring this up again without sounding like I’m consistently complaining about not having sex or pressuring them. I’m worried if I keep bringing it up it will jeopardize our relationship and our plans for our future. At the same time, I feel like it is an important part in a healthy relationship. I read somewhere on this sub that if the sex is bad it is 90% of the relationship but if the sex is good it is 10%. I’d just like to be back at that dynamic we had.
TL;DR My non binary partner and I have had increasingly less sex over the course of our two year relationship and I’m worried if there’s something I’ve done to cause that.
1 comment
Sorry if I missed it but how long has it been since u last had sex? I think it’s normal given the amount of time you’ve been together. That stuff can dwindle the longer ur together. Maybe find ways to spice things up.