I met my bf a year ago as we became friends, later he started flirting with me so I was straightforward and told him I want a serious relationship which will lead to marriage and a family. He said he likes me so much that he wants the same with me. Of course I understood that as he is younger there will be some immature aspects about him which I chose to ignore. There was one red flag I saw- he has a 32 yo friend who is a huge authority for him. I have met this friend twice and he sometimes makes fun or criticises his gf in front of other people. I told my bf this is not normal for me, but he said she’s just taking it as a joke. When, when we’re we’re 4 of us my bf tried to make a funny insult to me in front of them and I told him to never do it. He has never tried to make fun of me in front of anyone else. I live in Italy for my Masters and my bf asked if this friend and his gf could come for Christmas and stay at my place. I agreed.
These friends arrived, decided where they want to visit (didn’t really care that my sister came to as well and we wanted to see more places), when we were visiting Florence, they decided that they don’t want to explore, but just wants to drink beer and my bf stayed with them. I was left with my sister for the whole day. When I told my bf that I don’t like this behaviour and feel like a free hotel he said I have a mental problem. Then my mood was ruined and I didn’t want to talk to him or his friends. They decided when to go home, and when I said that it would be nice to stay for longer my bf said to take a train. His friend also allowed himself to talk and shout at me like he does to his gf, but I told him I’m not okay with that and he started telling me I’m an unhappy person and that it’s my fault he’s shouting at me and that with my moods I’m making my bf unhappy.
When we came back home, I was struggling with all of this so went to see my friends (some friendly faces). My bf stayed with his friends and didn’t care that I was upset. Next day I told my bf I’m not okay with his friend speaking to me like this, they went to talk and came back telling me that I’m insane if I expect and apology. My boyfriend was just standing there while his friend was shouting at me and doing nothing, even supporting his friend. They left my house- ON CHRISTMAS EVE, and ruined a Christmas. I spoke with my bf again and I said that I feel like I’m not a priority in his life and I’m not okay when his friend is rude to me in my own home and my bf does nothing. As we had a heated discussion my bf said to me that this friend has done a lot for him and if he needs to choose between us he will chose his friend and not me. We broke up and he left.
It’s been 3 weeks. My bf messaged me and said that he understands that his friend was rude to me. Also he said that he didn’t take our relationship seriously enough and didn’t care about my boundaries or my feelings as he just wanted to have fun with his friends, but now he needs to think what he wants to do. Apparently, that friend got into a fight with everyone, because he thinks he’s a king.
My friends and family are telling me to run as this won’t change, and if not this friend, another will be a priority. My dad thinks my bf doesn’t love me. I don’t know what should I do? I love him, and miss him, but logically I understand this might lead to nowhere.
**tl;dr my bf has an older friend who is an authority for him. That friend was rude to me and shouted at me. When I asked my bf to ask his friend to be nice to me, he didn’t manage to do it. We got into a fight and he told me his friend is more important to him, even though we’ve been talking about marriage and kids together. It’s been 3 weeks since we spoke and he blames me in his mind for telling off his friend that he needs to respect me in my house. Don’t know if to move on or try and save relationship.**