I’m a very extroverted and charismatic girl who’s very unexpectedly fallen for one of my introverted and reserved close guy friends. Most people say that he gives off serious reserved vibes but honestly in 90% of my interactions with him, we just laugh with each other a lot. Best thing I like about him is watching how he interacts with others because he brings so much coolness and peace to people when they do know him. Recently I think we’ve gotten a lot closer because he’s unexpectedly helped me through reclaiming a part of my trauma and for that I’m really grateful for his friendship. I’m putting very little stock into my feelings because I don’t want to get disappointed if the feelings aren’t mutual and frankly I care much more about preserving our friendship whether something develops or not. But I’d still like to know what’s the best thing I can do to perhaps attract him slowly?¿
Edit: Thanks everyone for the helpful and supportive answers. I’ll be taking my time to chew on it. One thing I must clarify is that I’m not despo for a date or relationship in the next 24hrs. The slowness is also for myself to truly figure out how I feel and whether I really want this. Nonetheless thanks for the insightful answers:)
Edit 2: If it helps with context, I’m F25 and he’s M24
32 comments
God help that poor man lol
There’s no “formula” for attracting a reserved introverted person. All you can do is be yourself, make your feelings known without pushing him, and he will either be attracted to you or he won’t. If it feels right, ask him if he’s interested in going on a date or tell him that you have romantic feeling towards him but are happy to stay as friends if he doesn’t see you that way. That’s really it.
Whatever you do don’t make him figure out mind games. If I were him I’d like you to be honest about what you want from me. If that is too forward ask him to join you for an outing. If he starts smiling and is all happy you know he’s okay with you. Shy guys are very insecure and are overthinking every move so if you make it easy he’ll be putty in your hands.
There isn’t a magic key to attracting an introvert. I like dating extroverts because it balances me out, but all introverts do not share this sentiment. Your chances are higher if he sees you as the type of extrovert who is very understanding of boundaries and doesn’t try to goad people into social events. If he gets the feeling you will push him to socialize when he doesn’t want to, it’s a huge turn off. I like people but I don’t want to feel pressured into always spending time around people. Give me the option and I’ll bite 50-75% of the time. If you try to pressure me, it’s a hard pass.
You’re going to have to be direct, take the initiative, and make the first move.
Reserved and analytical men are very cautious (I know because I’m such a man lol). If this happens, it’s not going to happen with hints or subtlety — you’re going to have to make a move, and outright use the word “date.”
Good luck.
Let me know when you find out. I seem to be mostly attracted to introverts/quiet guys.
If he’s reserved around others and more extroverted with you, there’s a good chance he’s already into you. Start with gentle touches to show your affection, if he reciprocates then attraction confirmed
As one of those guys I want to be subtle but I have learned I am not good at detecting subtlety from women. If you are not blatantly obvious he will probably never make a move. When you go to talk to him about it don’t put him on the spot with other people, that includes your other friends, go to him privately and just say “hey I don’t want to jump into anything but do you want to go out on a date sometime and just see how things go?”. Also don’t be offended by an introverts desire for privacy, it has nothing to do with you, we are just private people.
Men walk on eggshells these days and fear making romantic advances which are not reciprocated and being labeled a creep. I’m not saying you have to ask him out but maybe you be the first one to break the touch barrier on his arm or something to show you’re into him
Prop up an empty refrigerator box with a stick, place a book, cat, and comfy pillow under the box. Lie in wait.
Just ask him out. Don’t overthink it.
He wonders on a nightly basis whether or not you like him. You’re going to have to take the horse by the reigns. Grab him by the hand when you’re alone tell him you like him and ask him to take you out.
You should look at Big Five. If you never heard of the Big Five, Introversion/Extraversion is one of the Big Five Personality Traits.
Edit: A study of your post history revealed that you already know MBTI. I think you already have ideas regarding what you are raising. The Psychology of Attraction often contradicts MBTI but MBTI is well at explain our types and traits although I prefer Big Five. Which begs the question; Why are you even asking us? You already have ideas about him.
like others have said, subtlety is not the move here. reserved introverts usually want/need intentions from women to be very upfront and spelled out (she said she likes me.. but does she really like me? definitely elaborate). have a face to face conversation with him and bring up how you feel. figure out what your desires and emotions truly are, and communicate clearly how you feel and what you want to be to him. honesty, clarity and intent is definitely the move, not attracting him slowly or trying to lure him out of his shell.
A girl thought I was checking her out and ask me if I was checking her out. Then the next day she hugged me and left. later she hagged me and asked me if I like her. I said a little(If I found her more attractive I would have just say yes), she said the same(a little) (edit. and left). Then lastly she said are you going to ask me **that question** because I’m not going to. I said that question, yes.
Edit. https://youtu.be/C9ONWHXCsrk
Introverted guys are the best!
Not subtle but gentle is the way to go IMO. Ask him out and do something other than sit opposite a table like you would at dinner.
First date with my current guy was a walk along the beach. Much easier when you’re not forced to make eye contact.
He clearly cares about you, so hopefully he’s open to more! A lot of the time it doesn’t seem to occur to them that someone may like them.
Good luck!
OP don’t rely on hints or signs. Most guys I know find that pretty irritating. It may be obvious to you but he can’t see into your head. Just be direct.
Tacos?👀
As someone who is dating someone more reserved, you have to literally spell everything out to him. So just tell him that you like him
You’ll likely have to make the first move. introverts may be scared of dating extroverts though, make sure you don’t put him in an unplanned/ uncomfortable social situations. Realise he’ll need alone and down time to not get exhausted. Sounds like you have a good friendship which is a good foundation, hope it works out for you guys.
We like women being direct. It’s easier that way, no stress in “picking up hints” and makes things a lot smoother.
Speaking as someone introverted like the guy you’re describing, I think you should just be direct with him. Hints and subtlety are no good for reserved types; we can pick up on them but then tend to agonise over whether we’ve misread things and get too anxious to make any moves ourselves.
So be honest I reckon. If he reciprocates, he’ll be so grateful you made the moves. If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you get it out of the way and aren’t stuck wondering about what could be.
I mean, most of the comments here are telling you what to do.
It already seems like you two have a good friendship going, so it seems like you’re already on the right tract. That’s not me saying that all friends become something more, but that you clearly like each other on some level.
I will get downvoted for this, but just put extra time into your appearance when your around him. Then, when you have the confidence just be blunt and ask him on a date.
I’m not a reserved introverted guy, but when I was younger I never knew how to make a move because I didn’t want to make things awkward, the woman to feel uncomfortable or to be judged. It literally took one woman asking me to walk her home and when I said “okay, your home have a nice night” she legitimately grabbed me and made out with me. Another woman had to send me a text saying “I’ve thought about F****** you before” before we started dating because even though I was into her, I didn’t want to read the room wrong and make things awkward so I questioned myself.
All that is to say don’t be that physical if you don’t want to yet, but be that blunt. Say the words “do you want to go on a date.”
Giving attention to someone who is reserved/shy will always be the right thing to do… and as other guys mentioned make the first move
One of two things going on with him, from the perspective of an introvert.
One: he’s completely oblivious to the fact you might be interested and assumes “we’ll always just be friends, cool.”
Two: he is interested in you too, but doesn’t think he has a chance or thinks you’re not going to be interested in him.
I’m both of these guys, depending on the day. Be up front with him, tell him you’re interested in going on a date with him, just the two of you. Feel it out from there. Most introverts are extremely cautious and will over analyze everything they do or experience, so give it time and be ready to work with him until that light switch actually clicks in his head, “oh! She likes me, likes me!”
>I care much more about preserving our friendship whether something develops or not.
You just fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is “never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “never think you can preserve a friendship once one friend has developed romantic interest in another.”
Are you going to want to stay friends with this guy if he starts seeing someone else and nearly every time you see him you have to see the two of them together? Are you going to stay friends if the girl he starts seeing notices your feelings and doesn’t want him hanging around you? Are you going to stay friends if he notices your feelings and outright rejects you?
If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly.
Every introverted guy has one or two activities they spend 90% of their free time doing. If you act interested in what they are and want to know more, and they like you, they will definitely add you into that category of something they wanna do in their free time😏
Be genuinely interested in him. It may be hard but try to match his pace when having a conversation. Don’t expect to find him in extrovert places like clubs and parties. Expect to meet him at a quieter place. Expect the same thing out of dates.
He’ll also likely need a break every once in a while to be alone, but that doesn’t mean he hates you.
Just ask him out. Easy peasy. That’s how I got my husband. I made the first move. I saw his picture, I sent him an email. 20 years later, here we are. He’s working in his office downstairs, I’m lounging in bed. Married life man
As an introvert, and like so many have already pointed out: be direct and don’t play “beat around the bush” games. Also wanted to point out as I’m seeing other comments here…introverted does NOT mean shy.
hey so there’s hope us introverted redditors??
Go out and do an activity with him, bowling or drinking or eating something you both like, friend date kind of thing. If he likes you you’ll know, just spend time 1 on 1.