Okay, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. So I have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years. He is the second person I have ever been with in my life- sex was a big deal to me, something that scared me a lot prior to being with him and I really trusted him; I moved across the world to Australia with him and we have built a life together.
A few months ago, he cheated on me. He never actually ended up getting together with the girl he planned on cheating with me on, as she cancelled on him. It has been a very rocky road, it has done serious damage to my self esteem, and I can’t bear to even look in a mirror anymore. He has been working hard to try and make things right, but I still have nightmares nearly every night about it.
Here’s the tricky part. Between this, and the fact he is constantly making jokes at my expense, I just don’t feel drawn at all to have sex with him. I had an insanely high sex drive prior to this, but now, it is effectively gone.
He doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t understand why I need some foreplay beforehand and that I need some buildup beforehand- I want to be flirted with throughout the day, I can’t just be flipped on like a light switch and ready to go.
I guess, I need help understanding how to explain to him that I need some romance, I need some seducing, and that he needs to put in the effort as I’m still feeling heartbroken and deeply turned off. It’s like he understands what I’m saying for maybe a day or two and then forgets.
Any advice on how to overcome this problem, or breach this topic with him would be amazing.