Quick backstory. My “girlfriend” and I are in our 20’s (M21, F21) we’ve been together ever since highschool (about 5/6) years. This past year, I have been feeling controlling (which I know is definitely not okay) and we’ve gotten into fights about it. I’ve definitely worked on it and that’s someone I never want to be again. We’ve been “broken up” since March.
I put quotes around broken because even after we split, we still talked/flirted and went out on dates and such. We weren’t together but we told each other it was just us going forward. Well recently, we got into an argument (about something I can’t remember) and it felt off. I had asked her to come by today to genuinely hang out (like we have in the past). She had stepped away from her laptop and I know, don’t look if you don’t want to find something. But I did and it was what I was fearing. She had told me earlier this week that she was going to hang out with a friend, when in reality, there was texts with a guy (which she had told me was texting her once he found out we were single) telling her to swing by and from what I discovered, they slept together in his car (she admitted it once I brought it up). She showed me the texts of them talking sexual/flirting. She explained she just wanted to feel something from someone other than me after that argument and I really was at a lost for words. She said she understands if I want to let her go but that she was genuinely sorry and if she could, she would take it back and that she had no genuine intentions with this guy. That she still loves me and wants a future with me.
Now a part of me is telling me don’t even bother. That it’s not fair for me to be on the receiving end of this. I’ve been loyal to this girl since we first met and so has she, but this time it feels bad. Another part of me is saying try and work it out (I might be crazy for that who knows). We just have so much history and had so many plans after college. It’s just hard to think of life without her. She said as soon as it happened, she cut the guy off because she knew it wasn’t right.
TL;DR Please, any input or advice on the situation would really help.
3 comments
Do nothing except think about how controlling it is to get mad at your “girlfriend” for texting, flirting or even having sex with other guys when you are “broken up.”
The two of you seem like you’re going to do whatever you want to do in the moment, regardless of any advice you get or rational thinking, so just reflect on why you got mad at her and see where it goes. I feel sorry for her because you’re nosey and controlling, but I used to be like you and I know how hard it is to feel abandoned. It sounds like she’s trying to sew her wild oats and there isn’t anything wrong with that.
If you really can’t stop dreaming of a future together, ask her to marry you.
If you’re not together, she can do whatever she wants. And so can you. You literally have no argument here, she’s single and can see whoever she wants, sleep with whoever she wants. If you didn’t want to know about it, maybe stop clinging to your ex and move on like she has.
No, you wouldn’t be crazy. You need to work on yourself and your jealousy issues but if you are otherwise compatible and get along well, there’s no reason you can’t have a future together. I do think women tend to want to experiment and have sex with other people before tying the knot, but I also know couples that met in high school and are still together 30 years later.