TLDR: Depressed gay escapist looking for suggestions to escape and do a hard reset on life, and focus on physical and mental health.
I am gay Indian guy living in the west. I have a lot of dissatisfaction in how my life has turned out. I have been trying to make incremental changes to make it better. But time is going fast and my own life is fleeting infront of me. I struggle with mental health and therefore it is sometimes difficult to be consistent and trust the process. I have nobody in life to hold me accountable.
I live in a foreign culture, spend most of my time alone working from home and find it incredible hard to build deep social bonds. Hookup life and mental health struggles have made it incredibly hard to commit to dating and relationships. Having to transcend the barriers of race, language and culture only makes it all the more overwhelming and seems impossible.
On the work front, although I am in a relatively high paying job, I derive no satisfaction from it. I do not feel like I am doing anything impactful or that the career I am in will make me the kind of business leader that I want to be one day.
I sometimes rely on food as a coping mechanism and get into these extended periods of eating junk food, skipping gyms and other physical activities that I purse ( I do jiujitsu). I am going through such a phase right now and the snowy winter doesn’t help.
Overall, I have become a sad, lonely, grumpy timid man with low self esteem. I have been doing my best for many years to change that but I need to do a hard reset and accelerate things before my life fleets before me.
I want to go to some place where I feel like I will be part of a group that will help with accountability. I just want to focus on my physical and mental health for some time and not worry about work, money and love life. I want to read a few books that will help me grow. I want to think of my values and recalibrate my dreams, goals and ambitions. Any suggestions?