We (25 m/f) have been dealing with a lot of stress lately, I want to move and he doesn’t. He’s been depressed due to low Vitamin D, and the last few weeks we tried little to no-contact to get clear minds. He has a lot of behaviors that need to change, and I need to give more affection. It’s a never ending cycle. I’ve never said “let’s get a divorce” but I’ve been having talks with him about serious changes lately.
Last night, after spending 13hrs together for the first time in a month, I had to leave to meet my friend for our plans. He knew this. He begged me to stay with him instead (knowing well that we never have fun anymore). I had to go, I got in my car, and as the garage was closing. He opened the gun safe. He called me and said “I want you to know that I always Loved you”. I ran back into the house, and asked him what that meant. I called his mom because I was scared. He ran into the garage, opened the gun safe, and pulled out a shotgun, with ammo in his other hand. He told me that he didn’t want to live without me, and he wanted to die. I fought with all of my strength to get the shotgun out of his arms. I did. He grabbed a pistol. I was able to express that I loved him and this wasn’t the answer, enough for him to hand me the gun. I put them in the safe and locked it, and got him inside. His parents showed up, and he started saying those things again. His dad had to literally wrestle him against the walls in the hallway to prevent him from getting back into the garage. My FIL said to call, so I called 911, told them my address and that my husband was trying to kill himself. I was told to hang up when my in laws realized it was a mistake.
I spent the entire night with my in laws trying to keep him calm, and ensure him I never said I was leaving. We got the guns out of the house. Nobody cared if I was ok. They only cared about why he attempted. I understand, but I am also traumatized, in shock, and now sharing our intimate marriage details with his family. Instead of “what can we do to help him get better?” It was “what can you do to make your marriage better?” “You guys need to be nicer to each other. You need to be honest and say you don’t want to be together anymore if that’s the truth”. I was spoken to, for over 12 hours about how we need to work on our marriage. Despite my husband literally putting his life in my hands. I am baring the HUGE burden of walking on eggshells for the rest of my life. I am taking the blame for causing him to be suicidal because I needed some space to process our other issues.
He went with his parents today, and I left for my mom’s house out of town. She’s not great at being empathetic. She is *unintentionally* condescending when speaking or giving advice, but I thought this would be different. It was life or death. I feel like nobody cares about how this is affecting me. I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband demanded that I tell him if I’ll “stay with him forever if he gets the help”. I told him that I am willing to try, but he needs to want to be better FOR HIMSELF. I can’t carry the weight of his life, happiness, and strength. Normally people say “their mental health isn’t about you”… but he literally said it’s because of losing me. 🙁 Thanks for reading. I feel so hurt and alone now.