In my opinion, charisma is that “magnetic” feeling you get around some people, like everyone wants to be around them. What would your definition be and how how would you develop charisma in yourself?

19 comments

  1. You don’t become charismatic. You’re either born with it or you aren’t. It’s like height or eye color. Some have more than others. Some develop it and some waste it. Those without it can mimic it, bit if it isn’t in you from the start it’ll never be in you.

  2. Just be yourself. Do not try something that you’re not. It’s okay to have charisma or not to have.
    Kindness is something else. You surely can be “not charismatic” but still be kind to people and treat them just fine.

  3. I answered this yesterday, so I’ll just copy and paste what I said:

    ********************************************

    You don’t reach this stage overnight but in my opinion you CAN get there. Here are some of the qualities that you need:

    * **Enthusiasm**. This is a passion for life that shows up in the questions you ask, the answers you give, the amount of you that is PRESENT in the interaction and excited about life. People make friends based on positive *emotional* connections.
    * **Confidence**: Everyone wants to hang out with someone who has “something to offer.” That starts with CONFIDENCE in yourself that you’re comfortable in your own skin and you bring good things to any interaction. You don’t need a special background, history, hobbies, but you do need to be able to have a good conversation that leaves people feeling glad they talked to you.
    * **Humor**: No not hilarious stories, crazy jokes or stand-up comedy. That’s too much pressure and often feels forced. What it means is bringing a PLAYFUL attitude to every interaction. Being ready to enjoy and laugh at other people’s jokes. An aura of “let’s have fun with this” and not taking life too seriously.
    * **Optimism**: The time for negativity is a superserious convo over coffee, NOT when you’re out interacting socially. Charismatic people focus on the positive, lift everyone up around them, respond with “AWESOME, how’d you get INTO that?” instead of a one-word response or a montotone.
    * **Warmth**: This is the ability to make people feel accepted, welcomed, APPRECIATED. (and you have to do this from a standpoint of confidence in yourself, otherwise it will feel cloying or people-pleasing) Warmth is the ability to make someone feel like they’ve known you forever. This is done through great eye contact, a big smile when you meet them and a smaller smile as you’re conversing. And your tone should be one of a ‘vocal hug’ that reaches out to embrace the person, talking to them with the warmth you’d use with a family pet.
    * **Presence**: Being THERE for the convo, not distracted on your phone, or thinking about the week ahead, or looking over their shoulder for someone better to talk to.

    Seems like a long list, but starting to work on these things in a small way through regular practice will build confidence, and as your confidence grows they ALL become easier. Every interaction, even and especially the brief ones (fast food, grocery, coffee, bank) are an opportunity to work on these skills.

    Practice makes perfect, and practice makes charismatic. You don’t practice on people you’re trying to befriend or impress. You practice on people who you bump into the course of everyday life, and especially people who don’t get a lot of attention like shy people or the ones nobody tends to talk to. Bring them your best and watch your charisma grow.

    Here’s a little something I wrote on having great conversations which also is helpful:

    ###[How To Banish Boring Conversations](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/11eb4g8/how_to_banish_boring_conversations/)

  4. It takes social skill/ emotional intelligence, both of which can be developed, but are usually less developed in guys, so it requires effort. Talking a lot more with women can help develop it, and getting used to talking with them, even as a friend capacity. It helps in understanding the gentler sex, and it helps develop your emotional intelligence

  7. IMO charisma is the ability to positively affect and influence others on an emotional level. It’s not one isolated trait but a combination of many things (which can be improved) that forms a “whole package”. I guess the **starter kit** for charisma would look something like:

    (1 to 6 increases your attractiveness and the world is generally receptive to good-looking people. 7 to 11 makes people want to be around you and 12 keeps your life interesting)

    ​

    1. Sleep 8 hours a day
    2. Eat clean
    3. Exercise
    4. Use cleanser, moisturizer and SPF
    5. Dress better
    6. Have an optimistic attitude towards life
    7. Look people in the eye
    8. Smile
    9. Ask about them
    10. Listen
    11. Make them feel good
    12. Say “yes” more to life (use common sense, btw)

  8. Bullshit is what it is. %80 of the thing people call charisma is down to physical attractiveness

  9. as i see it charisma is an inborn thing-but it can be learned to some degree by studying the principles behind emotional and social intelligence. once you hone these ppl will be attracted to you.

  10. Older siblings in large families are more likely to be charismatic. From a young age, older siblings are also taught to care and look after their younger siblings, so they often get a lot of insight on how to coach and encourage people who are very much growing and developing. This instills into them many leadership qualities, as well as engrains into them different social queues. When you’re a sibling of a large family, you learn to some degree relent control, and manage chaos… as everyone around you is constantly changing all of the time.

    With that being said, there are many different ways to “obtain” charisma. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, everyone puts out a different vibe. My favorite practice for charisma that somehow no one in this sub mentions is talking to yourself in a mirror. It seems odd, but it’ll make you much more aware of your body language and expressions while you speak. It also makes you more comfortable with simply conversing. Politicians and actors use mirror-speaking constantly to rehearse. It’s a way of practicing conversations where you only have things to gain, but nothing to lose.

  11. Dr. K recently made a really good video about this!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lzS_om3nU4

    tl;dr from a comment

    The three main points to good charisma are vision, authenticity and communication
    1- Develop a vision. This is not a goal, but an ideal about how you want your life to be. You also have to be able to implement that vision
    2- Structure. It’s about when, where and how you’re gonna implement your vision
    3- Strategic thinking. How to circumvent the setbacks in the path to moving towards our vision
    4- Being authentic. This builds trustworthiness towards others. Try to be your authentic best self. A bit of negativity is alright, but not traumatic diarrhea in the speech
    5- Temper what to say with compassion. Being authentic is not about not hiding negative things, but about not creating fake things about oneself
    6- Clarify your communication. Practicing writing is a good idea for this

  12. Idk about you but I don’t meet a lot of charismatic people. They’re the rare unicorn that you occasionally run into. They usually attract a lot of positive attention. You want to be around them.

    What makes these people stand out is that they behave differently than the people around them. You’re attracted to them because they’re interesting. You want to spend time around them to learn about them because they make you feel a certain way. You want some of what they have to rub off on you.

    Usually these people have unique experiences. An interesting back story. They have something to offer that other people don’t. Their own style, interests, perspective on life.

    In order to become one of these people, you have to go live life. Have experiences. Break away from the norm. Say “yes” to doing something different. Go somewhere new.

    It takes bravery. It takes life experiences. It takes being an individual.

    Of course, this is just based around my personal perspective of what makes a person “charismatic”

  18. I think it’s not fully about being confident. You can be confident and be quite introverted. Maybe you like to observe and be the listener in the conversation. For me, charismatic people are people who make remarks at appropriate times that maybe lighten the mood or bring seriousness into the situation. So being sensible, but not too talkative(says things at appropriate times), I guess. People who joke about themselves are on a thin ice, either you are very charismatic/comfortable or you seem pathetic imo.

  19. WATCH JULIENHIMSELF ON YOUTUBE!!!

    charisma is actually very very easy. uve ever seen a kid that isnt charismatic?

    u have to do inner work.

    Your approach rn is i have a belief (i am not charismatic) -> WHAT NOW?

    your approach should be: i have a belief -> WHY?! why do you believe you arent charismatic.

    emotional skills are 80% of social skills. get them down and u are already charismatic & everything else. u got this!

    https://youtu.be/RNW2c4S7q_Q?si=o9pUyMir8O4U59Zb

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