I’m 24F, I met this 25M online. Note that all this is just messaging and no meetups yet. First week, I was kind of interested because he was funny but what ticks me off is that he throws a lot of personal questions that I managed to half-heartedly answer. Oddly enough, he told me right from the start that he doesn’t want to be ghosted and I agreed because maybe he had trauma of such. Everyday, he would message me almost every minute every hour even if I’m clearly away because of stuff. I find it sweet of him but sometimes I find it a chore to reply. However, I kept it my principle to be honest and open when replying to him. Another week passed by and we manage to talk everyday. He also throws in some compliments about my appearance and personality. He told me that I’m his ideal girl and that he doesn’t want to lose the chance. However, he is not ready to see each other yet because he is not confident with his appearance. Of course, I find this a turn off. Today, I decided to tell him that I wanted to cut ties and end things with him so that I can focus on life stuff. However, he doesn’t want to and says that he will do so only if I can make him agree. I’m not sure if he’s serious but he says that he doesn’t want to lose the opportunity with me even it’ll just be online dating. Honestly, this kind off scares me. I’m having a hard time how to be more assertive that doesn’t hurt his feelings whatsoever. Any thoughts? Feel free to critic me or the guy.
Edit: We live in the same city and he claims being a close friend of my acquaintance.
TLDR: 24F wanted to end things with 25M but the guy doesn’t want to and won’t agree.
11 comments
Stop responding. Block him if need be. He isnt stable if he has to contact you hourly and cant take no for an answer. Huge red flags. actually more like red blankets
You told him you’re not interested so you won’t be going back on you promise not to ghost him . Time to block.
This sounds dangerous. U haven’t even met; just be assertive.
Like everyone already mentioned this is a red flag.
What does he mean by ‘make him agree’. That’s not how this works.
Tell him you don’t see any future with him and will be cutting contact (it’s not ghosting when you clearly state your intent of not communicating further). And then stop responding, block if necessary.
All it takes is the click of a button. Delete/ignore. Do not reply.
Huge huge *huge* red flags everywhere. You haven’t even met him in person yet and he’s already being controlling, possessive and an outright creep.
I’m guessing part of the problem is the way you’re communicating with him, though. If you’re being timid and asking his permission to break things off, if he’s a pushy a**hole he’s only going to see that as an opportunity to see if he can coerce you into coming back to him. It’s a game.
You need to be firm. Tell him it was nice talking to him but you’re no longer interested and leave it at that. Block him if you have to. Don’t ever prioritize your own comfort over some stranger’s ego. Being polite is *not* more important than doing what’s best for you.
If you need to though you can even come at it from the angle that you’re doing him a favor- you say you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but if you don’t reject him now you’re going to be leading him on and setting him up for a world of hurt in the future when he finds out you don’t like him very much.
Also, just food for thought – if you’re having a hard time being assertive to this degree…I think you might want to reconsider dating at all until you learn how to stand up for yourself better. What happens when you’re dating in the real world and someone tries to pressure you to do something you don’t want?
Hopefully you didn’t give him your address. Send this dude to block city.
> However, he doesn’t want to and says that he will do so only if I can make him agree.
That’s not how it works. Breakups don’t need to be mutual.
I’d strongly suggest learning a bit about communication and assertiveness, because if you don’t know that you have the right to say “no” and have it be respected, then you’re going to risk having some really bad shit happen to you in the dating world.
Luckily for you you don’t need his agreement, just block him.
This is what happens when kids in middle school and highschool believe texting on social media is equivalent to an actual relationship. Yes, a 24 year old woman does not know how to break up with a guy she’s never met. Essentially, she believes she has a relationship with someone she’s never met. Can you imagine that?
In a similar situation with my ex who is not letting me cut things off. We did meet in person but originally it was through dating apps and he was hesitant to meet in person. Plus he’s always messaging every hour of the day. Hoping this isn’t the same guy since they are the same age. 😵