i dont know what to do, i have nobody to talk to for weeks
i have no friends, i only briefly speak to family on holidays, i have no acquaintances
im a student but im on break so theres no classes (which were my main source of interaction, though it was very light interaction that never led to any connection)
there arent really many events, maybe once a week theres an event i feel like i can go to but i need to muster up every bit of willpower, nerve and motivation to drag myself to it
and i push myself and force myself to go and all that comes from it is that i have one or two smalltalks with people and then im back to being isolated
and then i feel terrible because i didnt get along with people very well and it’s a while before i am able to muster up the courage to drag myself to another event
and this cycle has gone on for 3 years
and there doesnt seem to be an end in sight
im frustrated, angry and tired of not having anybody to talk to at all
what can i do to change this situation? my current strategy of going to events and meetups has failed me. i am not extroverted and likable enough to make friends by going to events. i also volunteer but that hasnt led to making friends either.
3 comments
Out of curiosity, have you been to a regular Trivia night Meet Up event? My local pub has a Meet Up group who attends each week. You need to go consistently to be able to build up the relationships but I feel that a Trivia event would be a good one since you don’t really have to speak all that much. There will be plenty of loud mouthed know-it-alls who will talk over you anyways. You only need to pipe up or write down answers when you know them and make general small talk and no one will think oddly about it at all. Going consistently will get you to know the meet up folks regularly as well as the bar staff and other trivia goers who also attend every week. Maybe this could work for you? My sister’s group has 1 member who’s an introvert and conversations can be difficult since he doesn’t speak out all that often, but he knows his trivia and is an excellent asset to the team. No one ever resents him being there and they continually invite him to other things which he usually refuses. He still hasn’t committed to coming to my dog’s birthday party (LOL!). If he feels comfortable to have a convo and a laugh, then it’s cool. If he’s quieter one week, then that’s also cool.
On a slightly different note, have you considered (I’ve not done this myself) VR chat rooms? I’ve seen other Reddit posts and seen videos of people having great conversations all through VR and with strangers. Maybe this could also help?
Best of luck OP! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The last 2+ years have been rotten for the social scene and building social skills. If you go back in posts in this sub, you’ll see so many other people also having the same struggles over the same time period. You’re not alone in this at all and if you spend a bit of time reading previous posts and comments, you may find help in there also.
What sort of activities do you like to do?
Do you like to read? Join a book club. Do you like games – there are plenty of board game groups out there. etc. etc. Just find something you are passionate about that makes it easier to talk to other people in the group because you already have something in common.
Same experience here. I was like what’s the point of me going to these events just sipping drinks at the corner only nodding at other people talking or fake checking my phone. Then the past 2 years have been a big blurry void of alone time within four walls for me. I could stay in my room and not talk to another soul for weeks, other than occasional meetings but I sensed that’s not good long-term.
I want the comfort of staying at home and at the same time want to be more social and have more comfort talking and socializing with a group of people. What helped me during covid was this discord group that does these 1-minute impromptu speaking games (table topics, Mafia, Jackbox) that really get you talking and interacting with people with similar challenges. No loud dominant talking type there. Over time I feel like a more sociable person and have more social skills and actually prefer these activities over playing video games. If this is something you want to try, here’s their discord link: https://discord.gg/cFF6AkSK4B
Yeah I would try different things. Whatever your interest is google for a local group where people share interests. Another resource is Meetup where people, well, meet up. You’re not alone OP. Good luck!