About 3 years ago I came to know a girl online. She and I had lots of commonality and we quickly became good friends. She was asking for help for school stuff and after it was done conversations branched out into everything and that’s how we became friends. She had a story that was just way too tragic and too heartbreaking. She was sexually abused when she was younger at school, and her family abused her physically and emotionally. She had a life that was a recipe for emotional distress and depression. She was extremely suicidal and by the time I met her, she was in a very dark place. I tried my best to help her but it was no use. We lived in different countries so I couldn’t help her physically. I contacted her school to do wellness checks regularly, until I learned she was suspended from school. She was reported for sending nũd3s to a predator student who wanted to ruin her life. After that everything got worse, until she just disappeared. After that I called her school and found out that she attempted suicide and was dead. It was heartbreaking and devastating but sadly it was expected. She had no one, nothing. I kept going back to our conversations to see what I could’ve done, and there was just nothing. That was about two years ago. Last month I started seeing an anonymous account viewing my instagram stories regularly. I didn’t think it could be her as I thought she was just dead. I got a message last week from a mutual friend (a nurse who treated her when she was self harming) messaged me saying that she was alive. She survived her suicide attempt, and I wasn’t informed by her school who actually did know. It’s a weird feeling. It’s so confusing. I couldn’t be happier that she’s still alive. But at the same time I can’t help but wonder. Why hasn’t she contacted me yet? I’m fearing that it’s because she’s upset with me. I want some closure from her, but of course I want to know if she’s okay.
I want to initiate contact but I’m too unsure. The feelings wrapping this whole thing are intense.