I (24F) have a close friend I’ve known for 5 years, let’s call her Ashley (25F) . A few weeks ago she moved to the city I’m in (before that we were living in different cities for a while). Since Ashley has moved here, I’ve met up with her once per week except this week. This week, Ashley had a busy and stressful time at work and asked to hang out again. The problem is I also had a busy week – I had to make a long trip to my hometown, deal with some ongoing errands, and my work is fast-paced and tiring as well so I made plans to go out with other friends and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I invited Ashley to join me on my social outing tomorrow but she refused, I guess because going drinking with people she doesn’t know won’t help her relieve stress (though it works for me).
I’ve always struggled to figure out how to be there for other people while not neglecting my own needs and comfort. There have been times in the past I have failed my friends in their times of need but there has also been times where I wasn’t able to set boundaries and communicate them and I ended up overextending myself to accommodate others. This time I really want to go to the social event, because one of the friends I’m meeting there, let’s call her Anna (23F), is also new to the city. Although I’ve known Ashley for longer and she’s been there for me during hard times, I would like to get closer to Anna because Anna is less of a homebody like Ashley and is more willing to go out and have fun.