A bit of context: We had known each other for a bit more than a month and had been dating for about the same time.
The conversation started like this:
We were casually talking when she asked me what, in my opinion, could make a relationship break. Besides other things I said, that obviously cheating was a no go. She followed up: What did cheating mean to me? Does it mean physically or emotionally being with someone else? And I answered both.
When I asked what it meant to her, she said that she would only consider the emotional part cheating, having sex with someone else would be fine for her because it can be strictly platonic.
I thought okay, we see things differently, no big deal. But then she continued and pressed the issue: Would I actually break up if she had sex with another guy? And I said yeah, it would be hard for me but I would 100% do it. And as if that was not enough she asked “So if I had had sex with another guy last week, would you break up?” I was confused and said yes. No real answer from her so I followed up asking if she actually did. She does not give an answer and instead asks “so is it over then?”. I said that depends, did you or did you not?
Finally she says that she just wanted to see my reaction and of course she did not have sex with someone else. I felt like that was manipulative, not taking my initial “No” for an answer. I was okay to let it slide but obviously there was a catch:
Because of a misunderstanding she thought I would be out of town for 4 days throughout her birthday. She said that someone had offered her to have sex on her birthday and that she asked me if I was okay with that because she wanted to do it. I asked her why she would actually want it when we are just 2 weeks into the relationship and I am gone for just 4 days?
She said I should not have to care for her reasoning as she is not going to do it if I am not okay with it. But I insisted and she again said that sex can be nothing more than pleasure to her and it would have only been for the night of her birthday because “she did not want to be alone” on that night.
So I asked what her backstory with the guy was that she can be so sure that no feelings would evolve of it. She said that she had known him for a few months longer than me and that the two had been dating and having sex. But that she had stopped seeing him when we met.
That made me even more confused. I could – not in any way – understand anything that she was saying and I said that I needed time to think. How could she possibly want to have sex with someone she knows well? Do I just not mean as much to her as I thought?
She said that obviously she won’t have sex with anyone else because she asked and I don’t want it. But we had actually talked a bout boundaries for a bit before and I told her that I don’t want her to see other guys, to which she had said “of course”.
So my problem is that I cannot understand why she would even consider having sex with someone she knows well so early into the relationship.
I would be thankful for any advice. E.g. do you think I should try do understand why she wanted it or is it destined to fail? Because I am having doubts that she can leave the “play” in her life behind when shes already seeking sex with others two weeks in.
​
EDIT: I now realize she was a walking red flag from the start and I was just ignoring the signs, letting her lull me in. I will definitely break up, thanks everyone