My best friend (28) and me (28) have been close for 9 years. We didn’t talk too much together for a few years (mostly out of laziness on both parts). During this time I found out he had 2 girlfriends at the same time. I told him that’s not good, but you do you but encouraged him over time to not do that. Well he listened and after approximately 2 years of this he broke up with one of them (the first one). I thought everything was good, although I was disappointed by the character of my friend.
I kept asking to see both of his girlfriends but he denied having pictures of them (which honestly didn’t surprise me too much). When he broke up with the first girlfriend, I kept asking to see pictures of his (only) girlfriend. He claimed he still didn’t have pictures. I asked for her Instagram as almost every girl has that, but he claimed she didn’t have one, even when I pressured him on it. When I asked about her age he said he didn’t know, but gives and approximate answer around 21-22.
Fast forward 6 months we talk about becoming roommates and he wants his girlfriend to move with us as well. I’m thinking this won’t be a problem. I asked if she has lived alone before and he says no. We talk about her starting to study over the summer and that she has good grades. It’s her first time studying. I remember I said it’s unusual for people with good grades to wait 2-3 years to study and my friend said she didn’t really know what to study and that’s why. I meet her first time when we looked at an apartment, and we get the apartment and move in together.
I asked about her age to my best friend after a few months of living together and my best friend says he knows now and she’s 24. I said okay, good you found out because that could be trouble if she found out you didn’t know!
I thought the whole thing was bizzarre, but I put it on my best friend not being that interested in details that most people are.
However I recently found out she’s actually 19 years old. And they’ve been together since she was 16 and he was 25 (age of consent is 16 in my country). I’m living with a teenager without even knowing for almost 6 months… She graduated highschool in the summer and that’s why she moved out. She didn’t take a few years off before studying.
Now I can’t even speak to my friend anymore. I isolate myself from him and honestly feel betrayed. If he didn’t have two girlfriends at the same time for 1+ year, I could somewhat rationalize the age gap by him really connecting and falling in love and the age was just unfortunate. But that’s not the case when he had two girlfriends and we talked before about him not being sure if she’s the one or if he has the right feelings for her (or the first girlfriend). I just don’t understand it.
Should I accept this lying and put it on him being uncomfortable with telling me the truth? Or am I right in feeling the betrayal I am feeling? I feel as his best friend and as someone that would move in with them he should have told me. I have no one to talk with about this as I don’t want to out him to anyone, because I know they will judge him.
TLDR: My best friend (28) lied about the age of his girlfriend (19) and they have been together for 3 years and we are now roommates.