So my (m24) girlfriend of 5 years (f24) came to me about 2 months ago and said she feels sexually unsatisfied. Not that our sex isn’t good but she feels that in our relationship I don’t lust after her, grab her, feel her up and make her feel sexy. I said no problem as for most of our relationship I had felt that way as we had sex all the time early on but then after about a year or so into the relationship she started to not want sex as much, I tried to bring this topic up to her and she would take it as I was attacking her. So I just kind of accepted that she wasn’t quite as sexual as I was which is fine. I would come onto her and such but only here and there because she does this thing which really bothers me where I try to kiss her and grab her and she pushes me away I have told her it bothers me but she just says “well I’m not in the mood and don’t want to play along”. I said fair enough.
I will say in the last year or so I finished college and I got a new job where I’m working insane hours and just got an apartment and I’m currently saving for an engagement ring. I’m tired I work my ass off and ngl I have almost entirely stopped trying to initiate sex bc it is exhausting. Like I said about a month ago she came to me really upset and said she’s so horny and feels so neglected and unsexy and all that. She was actually in tears. I then told her how I had felt through out the entire relationship and that it really bothers me when I try to come on to her and she shoves me away and that I felt I was always the one initiating sex. We had a real honest conversation and we both promised to be better.
For about a month our sex was amazing. We had sex most nights. She would wear sexy outfits for me. She was blowing me (which is another thing she will never blow me for anything and it sucks bc she gives amazing blowjobs), dancing for me and we were having these really hot make out seshes. I was going down on her every time and making her cum and we were honestly having some of the best sex of our relationship like bed soaked both of us unable to speak. That type.
But here we are again I try to initiate sex and I understand we won’t have sex every night. But in the last month we have had sex I think once. I try to come on to her and she shoves me away. The one night we did have sex she didn’t act super into it. She wouldn’t kiss me during sex, she hasn’t blown me in a month, she shoves me away everytime I kiss her and the last time we had sex she asked me if I would hurry up and cum I asked her last night I said “what’s up?” I just told her you want me to intitiate but in the last month he has seemed so disinterested. Her response was “what do you want from me.” But not in a actual questioning way in an annoyed way.
I guess my question is what advice can you give me? If she has a lower sex drive then me that’s fine but like she really discourages me and when she shoves me away it bothers me but then she will act like I never come onto her. But in situations like these where she acts like sex is such a chore is when it makes me want to stop trying. But I’m trying still bc of our convo a couple months ago. What tips or tricks do you have to keep things exciting long term?