My (26F) boyfriend (25M) has a friend, lets call him Dave, who has expressed his feelings for him. This is going to be a really long post, so sorry in advance.
To give some background, Dave is a work colleague and they’ve been friends for a while. Dave is openly gay and we’ve met several times, and I never had any problems with him – we seemed to get along quite well.
This all started a few months ago. Dave and my boyfriend live on the same road, and after a night out with his work colleagues they were dropped off together at Dave’s house, where my boyfriend planned to walk home. That night I had been messaging my boyfriend before bed and at around 3am he had messaged me he was on his way home (I was asleep by then). The next morning I woke up to see the 3am message, and saw that just after 5am he messaged to say that he was home. I found this a little odd since the place he was going home from was about 30 mins away, though I thought maybe he just forgot to reply. When he woke up I asked him about his night and how late he got home. He told me that the whole work crew were being dropped off in the same uber so it took him about an hour to get back, but this confused me even more because that wouldn’t explain the 5am message. I asked if he ended up doing afters at Dave’s house, but he said no and just left it at that (he didn’t even say he forgot to message or anything to explain the missing hour). I found it a bit strange but left it alone, even though his responses were a little out of character and I could tell he wasn’t telling me something.
The next date night we had, he finally let it slip that he wasn’t telling me everything about that night. He told me that while he was walking home, Dave (who had already gone home since the uber dropped them at his house) suddenly started running after him. He told me that Dave told him that he’s had strong feelings for him for who knows how long, and that he was interested in starting something with him. My boyfriend said he was really in shock, and that he reminded him that he was straight and has a girlfriend who he’s met. Dave asked if any part of him would be interested in trying anything, and my boyfriend said no.
I wasn’t extremely annoyed by this story (other than being a bit bothered that he tried to proposition him that night), but I asked him why he wouldn’t just tell me that this happened, rather than keeping it a secret for a few days. He said he thought I might get upset, and when I asked him why I would be, he ended up adding more to the story. Apparently, while Dave was making this declaration of love, he was also taking the opportunity to bad mouth me. Dave doesn’t know me extremely well, but, like I said before, our interactions at that point had been pleasant. He was telling my boyfriend that I do not deserve him and he could do much better than me, amongst other things. This, of course, did upset me and I felt extremely disrespected. Not only did he try and convince my boyfriend to cheat on me, but the stuff he was saying was also extremely insulting. Dave and my boyfriend ended up having an hour conversation in the rain (he jokingly referred to it as “the most romantic thing anyones ever done for him”), but I don’t really know how much my boyfriend defended me or made it clear that this type of dialogue isn’t okay with him. He definitely shut it down though.
Since then, I’ve felt very uncomfortable with my boyfriend and Dave’s friendship. I don’t want to be the type of girlfriend that has a problem with any of her boyfriend’s friends, but I really felt like Dave had crossed a line. Still, they are constantly together because they work with each other and my boyfriend spends lot of time with his work colleagues on days off etc.
The problem is that, as time goes on, it’s getting to me more and more. Yesterday I posted about my boyfriend having made plans with his friends (the work colleagues) on our anniversary (you can see that post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/19d49ef/my_26f_boyfriend_25m_made_plans_on_our_first_date/) for context). Basically, they are planning to play D&D and Dave went over to my boyfriends place yesterday at 6:30pm to create his character (since my boyfriend’s never played before). My boyfriend had made it seem like there was a group who were going to help make his character, but it turned out to just be Dave (I only realised this because were on facetime and Dave rang the bell while we were on call). Because he had abruptly hung up the phone on me, he told me he would call me back later when Dave left, and made it seem like he wouldn’t be long. Well, it gets to midnight and my boyfriend still didn’t call. I messaged to ask whether he was free yet, and he said that Dave’s still there and they’re having some drinks. Because I had work, I ended up just going to bed and we said we’d call tomorrow (today).
Today we called and my boyfriend told me that he’s extremely hungover and that Dave stayed until about 4am last night. I asked him wtf happened since it wasn’t meant to be a big night, and he said they were initially drinking beers, but then moved to margarita’s and lost track of time. I asked what they were doing all that time (literally 9 and a half hours??), and he said that it took them about 3 hours to make his D&D character, and then after that Dave asked him to ‘teach him how to DJ’ (my boyfriend makes music/DJ’s). I didn’t say anything further than just asking him what happened last night, and he’ll be seeing Dave again tonight for the D&D thing.
This entire situation has seriously bothered me. Call me insecure, but I am not comfortable with my boyfriend spending one on one alone time all night with anyone who has expressed deep feelings for him, let alone someone who completely disrespected me in order to try and convince my boyfriend to get with him. I know that my boyfriend is not gay, but to me I feel just the same as I would feel had it been a girl who was interested in him. Even if nothing is going to happen, it feels like he’s entertaining someone’s interest – particularly someone who clearly doesn’t respect our relationship.
Should I speak to my boyfriend about this? What would I even say?
TL/DR: I feel uncomfortable that my boyfriend’s friend told him that he has feelings for him and bad mouthed me to try and get with him, but my boyfriend still spends a lot of time with him – including one on one time last night till 4am.