I (33m) met my girlfriend (31f) a couple months ago and things are fantastic. She’s sweet, smart, caring, sexy af, and truly just one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. I’ve never felt this way about someone and I’ve never had a connection that felt this real and this strong.
And so somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I have a tendency to worry. The worrying is rarely anything too specific, it’s mostly an ambient worry that I’m gonna fuck this up somehow. I’m gonna fumble this incredible woman; I’m gonna drive her away; give her the ick.
This worry is rarely around when she is, and I can usually spot it and shake it off with relative ease. But occasionally the worry lingers and becomes unbearable and I begin to fall into a thinking trap of: worrying I’m annoying, then saying something for the sole purpose of gauging her reaction, realizing that what I just did was kind of an annoying thing to do, call it out and apologize for it, realize that apologizing is annoying, promising to shut up now, then back to worrying I’m being annoying.
All this plays out over the course of maybe a minute or two in my own head. I can usually shake it off. But the worry inevitably creeps back in, that I’m being annoying and she’s choosing to just be nice or something because she doesn’t want to start a fight or hurt my feelings.
In my rational brain, I can see all this for what it is, that it’s a toxic, recursive, neurotic thought loop that has no business being honored or acted upon. Also she’s been very forthcoming with me about her own feelings and offers plenty of good signals that should be reassuring…but it’s really hard to just get that thought off replay sometimes and idk…
Is this something others have struggled with and worked through? How did you do it? How were you able to put that worry to rest; that you’re not too much for this person? How were you able to come to know, deep down that what you’re doing/saying/asking for is fine and good and valid and not needy or annoying?
TL;DR: I worry I’m just generally annoying my amazing girlfriend, and that I’m too much. How do I address this (if at all) in such a way as to put this worry to bed forever?