I’ve been in a 3 year relationship, we’re both 26 and live together. We’re committed for sure but I don’t know if I understand the definition of unconditional love, really? I’m a really honest person, but mainly because I cannot lie to save my life. I fold like a freaking chair so fast and I have such severe anxiety about dealing with the consequences of lying, I’d just rather not. I think my partner is the opposite. They can chat with any stranger and make up lies about their life without blinking because they “will never see that person ever again.” The con is really that they also lie to me… with both little and big lies.. I really can’t think of anything huge right now, but the little things would be how much something cost – then I find a receipt in their pocket, or what time they came home (while I was sleeping) – but I was actually awake at the time they lied about.
They’ve told me in the past when I brought it up as a real problem, that they were mainly just afraid of getting in trouble and that has more to say about our relationship than them lying… which I understood! I didn’t want to be a parental figure saying you can’t do that, cornering them to lie? I think in hindsight I just don’t think of those little white lies to be something they “should have tried to hide.”? I don’t care if you come home at 3, 4, 5am, I really just wanted to know when you came back. I don’t care how you spend your adult money that you earned, I just wanted to know the price of something ? Idk is that unreasonable/entitled to even want to know those things? I didn’t think they were things to lie about, you know? It constantly scares me that they’re able to white lie through their teeth so easily, to others and to me. It makes me think – what else could they be lying about ????? I just want honest communication 😭
Anyway, I’m just trying to feel out how I personally feel about the lying and if it affects us that much, but is it unrealistic to pose an ultimatum “if I find out you lie even just once – it’s over” ? It feels childish & I guess I stated that idk the definition of unconditional love because it seems like I’m not willing to work on the situation. I really am willing to accept flaws and love someone for who they are, but how do you implement boundaries and offer unconditional love at the same time?
TL;DR my partner lies easily abt little things, I hate lying, I want to pose an ultimatum along the lines of “1 more lie and we’re done”, is it unrealistic to expect someone, ANYONE, to never lie again? Maybe I’m just crippling myself expecting to never meet a liar in life?? Seeking I guess relationship and life advice from internet strangers for my first Reddit post pls and ty 🙇♀️