Sometime around last year, I started down on a journey and stopped blaming others for where I am in life. I lived damn near 30 years as a victim of my circumstances and never once looked in the mirror and acknowledged that I was the problem until very recently.
Since then, I have lost almost 30 pounds and am getting back to my high school form. I left a very toxic job and pivoted career paths, even though I took a bit of a hit to my finances. The biggest accomplishment I achieved was that I started therapy and realized how poorly I have been treating myself. I was incredibly self-deprecating and often made jokes to fit in at the expense of myself. I had such poor self-esteem and self-image of myself and didn’t even realize it. I eventually started taking responsibility for all of this and started changing the way I feel about myself by investing time, energy, and money to invest in self-love/self-care type of stuff.
Things are going very well for me both physically, mentally, and emotionally.. but I realized that I don’t have much of a personality or identity anymore. Every facet of my life was intertwined with negative self-talk, and once I started to take responsibility to change these aspects of my life, I realized I don’t have much to talk about anymore. I had to cut off friends and family members who wanted me to keep playing the “clown” role that I used to play. I can’t get past the talking stage with girls and they find me incredibly boring or too serious. I have become much less of a cheerful guy since going down this self-improvement path and I feel incredibly lonely.
I feel both great and horrible at the same time. I would appreciate any feedback that you guys may have for me.