So I’m writing this as I (44M) have just recently broke up with someone that was my first real relationship since my 16 year marriage ended in 2018. We dated for 10 months. One of the primary issues was the fact that she was a very extroverted gal and I’m very introverted. We tried to meet in the middle on this issue, but in the end, I felt like I just didn’t have it in me to be the partner she needed and broke it off. Before any one jumps on me over this, there were numerous other issues in our fledgling relationship that we were addressing as the adults we are, but this just became the straw that broke the metaphorical camels back. It hurt to make this decision, but we have parted as friendly as I think is possible.
Now, when I say I’m introverted, I don’t mean that I’m socially awkward or struggle in any way in a social setting. I’ve worked with the public most of my working life and can navigate interactions quite easily. However, social interactions drain the hell out of me. One night or weekend of it and I’m retreating for a minimum of a few weeks to recover. It’s got to the point where I almost dread the prospect of going out to a social gathering, especially if I don’t know the people that will be there. I truly enjoy my own company and rarely, if ever, feel lonely.
I’m not planning to jump back into the dating pool any time soon, but I know I will eventually. I’ll also be doing it knowing that a true extroverted partner is just not going to be a good match for me or I them. But this also really has me wondering, what are the actual real chances of meeting someone who’s like me in this regard? Social media tells me that introversion seems to very much be on the rise, but I don’t really want a partner who can’t navigate socially or deals with extreme anxiety around social gatherings, as times will always come up where it’s going to have to happen.
So, for the introverts out there actively dating, or who have found partners. How is going? Have you found the right balance? Did you figure out something that you need to see in a partner to know things match on that level?
Editing to add: I have 2 children who are with me 50% of the time. I don’t go out socializing on the week that I have them (beyond the basic interactions with other parents etc) and my gf would spend 2 or 3 nights over during that week. So if I go out one free weekend, I’ll likely not want to go out on my next free weekend, which means it could be a month in between socializing.
Edit 2: By socializing I mean being around a big group of people. Not spending time with my partner. We typically spent 3 to 4 days or nights a week together, maybe a bit less when my kids were with me. Free weekends we were typically out of the house doing something, but where she would prefer a group setting, I was very content with it just being the 2 of us.
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