We’ve been married for almost 5 years and due to a financial crisis I accepted a job abroad 2 years ago, so since then we’ve been seeing each other aprox. every 3 months. Because of my low libido and sex drive we’ve never been sexually happy, she complains about it since day 1, which is probably caused by stress and worries from the debts, and I’ve never got to “fix” it. She would occasionally mention divorce but I was the one to never support it to think we could make it.
One day she freely confessed that she was having dirty conversations with someone and exchanging photos. She said it made her feel bad and asked for forgiveness and that would never happen again. About a year later however, I found out that during a period of 6 months she cheated on me twice, not one-night-stands, but several times with each of them, and because of that I turned completely pro-divorce and she is not accepting it.
She argues that it’s not what she wants from life, to be with someone else other than her husband, but my low libido and the distance tricked her into making those bad decisions which she says she regrets (I kind of believe in that but it changes nothing for me). I’ve never cheated on her even living alone and abroad (have not even tried to), fidelity is a non-negotiable and unconditional value for me.
She did a few sessions of therapy and was diagnosed with a low-grade depression, but she quit saying it was not helping her and didn’t want to find another psychologist. And everytime I try to get her onboard to commit to accept the divorce amicably, she says she can’t stand it and will kill herself.
None of our friends or relatives know about what happened. I told her I wouldn’t even tell anyone what she did after the divorce. We don’t have kids but we have an appartment that has to be sold, so it’s not like I could force the divorce and never have to talk to her again.
We are still talking to each other and married on paper (since I’m working abroad).
What do I do? How do I get out of this?