Hello and to anyone who is able to provide some advice – a big thanks in advance.
I am 35 (male, not a native english speaker) and went through a breakup after a 5 year relationship last summer. I have ADHD and therefore struggle heavily with regulating my emotions. Since I have always been the kind of guy, who gets into relationships way too easily and is generally easily swayed into things – just to not disappoint my significant other – I told myself I was gonna break the cycle of being in unhappy, unhealthy relationships and go out and try myself at casual dating instead.
Now there is a lot to unpack here I am certain – but I am currently in a situation where I found someone who is willing to date me casually and I think they are much more experienced in this regard than I am. So I wanted to ask if anyone here can give me some advice on establishing rules and boundaries in a friendship plus/open relationship.
One major red flag when it comes to dating via dating apps for me has always been potential partners talking way too much about exes (even before dating). I’ve had women talking to me about their ex partners sexual preferences, insecurities and even dick sizes and so on. I find this extremely disrespectful and inappropriate (especially in a phase where you get to know each other) and I’ve told the person I am currently seeing that this is something I feel umcomfortable with and is a major turn off for me. She mentioned a guy she was seeing a while back being insecure and inexperienced the first time she was having sex with them WHILE sexting with me and sadly enough she immediately got more distant and stopped texting me for the day, after I called her out for that. Now I have had some bad experiences in this regard in the past (namely a fellow student in university, I was seeing casually, having a boyfriend and several other guys at the time and when I found out about it, she would compare me and humiliate me constantly). I am wondering if I still carry some trauma with me in this regard or if I am being too sensitive, but I have grown and matured so much since then and can’t accept someone stepping over my boundaries like that anymore. For me this is less about jealousy and more about me asking if me calling her out for that is justified in your opinion (especially in a more casual relationship). Thank you in advance!