I (36M) have been dating for five, married for 2 (28F) and we’re having a wonderful relationship. We don’t fight, disagreements are always discussed, we leave space for each other’s needs and we make sure we’re both feeling good in the relationship.
When we started dating, the first 4 years have been extremely passionate, with a lot of (kinky) sex and desire for each other. After 2 years we’ve moved together and, after a while, sex starting decreasing in occurence. From multiple times a day we went to once a day, a few times a week, once a week, a few times a month and now once a month.
We’ve discussed it openly and we’ve also tried numerous tricks in the bedroom, including having another person with us one time (without any issues regarding the experience). It’s not a physical problem (threesome went well, and we both experience a renewed dose of eroticism and a bit of a boost to our sexuality afterwards).
What is happening now: we both love each other and we seek each other’s touch and embraces but the sexual need is not there between eachother. It’s like there’s no enticement for sex, it’s easier to masturbate (though we’re not a big fan of this). We both feel that when we seek each other with sex in mind, we feel that the other person doesn’t need it then or feels that it’s optional and the little desire for it goes away.. We’ve tried dedicated time, but the emotions are that of more friendship than passion.
Relationship is good strong, there’s total trust between us (and we joke that maybe fights are inducive to more sex so we should start something :)) ).
I would love to hear people that have gone through something similar, what did you do to get out of it or is it something that just needs to be accepted?
And would love to know if sex happening once a month when you’re 36 / 28 after a 7 year relationship is something normal in most couples.
FYI: I’m physically fit, I go to gym 3x/week and eat healthy. I also do summer / winter sports from time to time.