I (29F) and my husband (29M) have been married since May of last year. Due to some financial circumstances, we’re currently staying at my husband’s family’s apartment and will be moving out this February. Staying with my in laws gave me the chance to get to know them better and discover how dysfunctional the family is. I am becoming more miserable and unhinged every single day I have to spend with them.
Husband- codependent with family. I have nothing against him being close to his mom but calling his mom everytime to update her about where we’re going and what we’re doing, asking her to buy him stuff like he’s 12… I don’t know… its so off. I confronted him about this and all he did was sulk. When we have fights, I discovered he talks to his older sister about it instead of just keeping it between us husband and wife. There was one time we were fighting and then I heard the FaceTime end call sound. What was that?? Who was on the other line? I regret not bringing that up at that time, I just brushed it off because I was so mad and I couldn’t talk when I’m that frustrated. There were also private things about my family that I shared with him because he’s my husband but he ended up telling his older sister about it like it’s some juicy gossip. I knew he told her about this because she randomly brought it up while we were hanging out together. I also hate it when we go to the mall with his family. He walks with his sister or mom and I end up just following them a few feet away.
Older sister (doesn’t live in the apartment)- I think this person is broken. She can be nice sometimes but the attitude is on a super high level I’ve never seen before. She insults their parents calling them names. She has a habit of insulting other people too… even those who don’t know her. She thinks she’s pretty (which is okay) but brags about it and then calls her friends who became moms ugly because they look older (she’s in her early 30s). There was one time I got really infuriated because she was asking about my friend whom she never met and called her names. My husband isn’t fond of this friend of mine and I’m assuming she’s telling stuff about her to his sister. I think she has this insecurity that she needs to put people down for her to feel good about herself.
Younger sister- lives in the apartment too. I feel like she’s trying to avoid me all the time. Maybe she’s just shy? Maybe there’s something off about me? We don’t share interests? She’s 18 and into beauty and fashion stuff which is not my thing. There is this one time that I will not forget. My husband was away for work for a few days so I was stuck with his family since we live with them. She made everybody some tuna rice bowl for dinner except for me. I didn’t know how to react it felt so embarrassing to look for my own food in the kitchen while they were eating the rice bowl. I’m getting the energy that she doesn’t want me there by the way she acts when I’m around like not sitting on the dining room when I’m there… I always try to have a conversation but it’s usually just a yes or no answer from her.
MIL- I used to love this woman because I thought she’s cool and funny… kind of my mom’s opposite because my mom is more on the serious side and doesn’t crack jokes. Anyway, a few months of living with them she gave me cleaning stuff for the bathroom asking me to scrub the tub. This is a chore I never heard her ask her children. I felt like I’m treated as a maid. maybe it was in exchange of living with them. Btw my husband was there when she did that and he didn’t say anything. And I would also like to note that this is a haaaard task because the younger sister makes a mess in the bathroom all the time like tissues on the floor. Really? Is it that hard to shoot the tissue in the trash?? She also calls all the time my husband and I are out asking where we went and what time we’re going home. Asked me also to pack for my husband when we were going on a vacation. Like whaaat? He is NOT a kid.
FIL- maybe the most decent among them because he’s always out of the picture? He’s just always in his man cave doing hobby stuff. Gave me some arts and crafts stuff too because he knew I was bored but that’s it. MIL has an issue with him because he won’t drive her around to get groceries or go to the mall and stuff. When he gets home from work, it’s all “me” time for him. I kind of think this is why MIL doesn’t want to let go of my husband because he’s the only person driving her around (she doesn’t know how to drive). There was one time my husband and I left for a month and MIL called they didn’t have groceries and food just because FIL won’t drive her.
I know we’re moving out soon but my husband wants to stay close to them and even asked his older sister to move in with us (wtf?) i don’t want to be stuck with this dysfunctional family for the rest of my life but i just migrated here and been looking for a job for months. It’s really depressing to think l left my own family and a career back home for this mess. I already talked to my husband about setting boundaries, he agreed, but his face says otherwise. I’m exploring my options on how to get out of this situation without being a homeless given I spent almost all my savings for the paperwork moving in this country and literally have zero under my name. Every day I just cry in the shower. Sorry for the long post. Just had to get it off my chest.