How are Americans so good at complementing others? So wonderful. Is it explicitly taught in schools or smthin?

31 comments

1. Lol. It’s called being a decent human being.

2. It’s just part of our culture, taught from birth by families, schools, media, etc.

3. How socially maladapted are people in your country where you think people need to be taught in class how to complement someone?

4. I think if speaking directly and earnestly are part of your socialization/cultural fabric growing up, it’s very easy to give someone a compliment.

5. It’s just part of being friendly. It’s part of our culture. The US has a pluralistic culture with people from many different backgrounds, and using compliments is an easy way to move past any differences or uncertainties we may have and establish common ground.

6. Um… My parents taught me? Not explicitly, but compliments are just… basic social interaction? I’m confused by this question because I never thought compliments weren’t common.

7. Idk, but if I see someone waring a nice shirt or have a nice haircut, I’m going to tell them. It’s good to give compliments as much as it’s nice to hear.

8. We are nice people. Nobody taught us anything. We are just nice.

9. As a kid you notice your parents doing it and repeat as you get older. It feels good to get a compliment, so why not spread that good feeling?

   I once told a girl I loved how she did her eyeliner she lit up and I could tell it made her day. We had a brief conversation about it and that was that.

10. I know, when I was a child, I was explicitly taught manners. Not just saying stuff like please/thank you- but stuff like having to hand write thank you cards for any gift I received (and it had to be detailed or it wasn’t good enough). If a relative came to visit, I was expected to say something nice (or else).

    So, at least, in my case- being taught to complement people was actually taught.

11. Just say something nice about someone, it’s not hard.

12. One of the best life lessons I learned was that compliments are free! It costs nothing to make someone’s day, so why not do it?

13. Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by being “good at complimenting others?” If I see a coworker with a new haircut and I say “I like your haircut” does that make me good at complimenting others? Or do you mean something else?

14. You’re so smart for noticing! Just innate I suppose

15. Treating others like how we like to be treated

16. if you see something say somethings!
    but in the nice way ya know you see something cool or nice you tell that person give them props for being cool. i

17. Criticizing others is frequently taught to be done as a “compliment sandwich”: something you’re good at— thing you should improve— thing we like about you. Conveys needed information without putting someone’s back up. In a nation of individuals, your ability to treat others the way you want to be treated is sometimes more important than the ability you have.

18. Practice. A few years ago my buddies and I had some conversation about how men rarely receive compliments, so we now make it a point to shine each other up.

    “Haircut? Man, you’ve never been more handsome, you look like a movie star. Ryan Gosling doesn’t have shit on you.“ Obviously we go overboard for comedic value, but it still feels good and we get big laughs.

19. I’m getting jealous reading these comments lol compliments are few and far between over here

20. “If you don’t have anything nice (or constructive) to say, don’t say anything at all.”

    Every American has heard this ad nauseam.

21. What a great question! I can tell just by this question you’re a very thoughtful and decent person.

22. It’s a part of our culture. Americans in general tend to be friendly and sociable.

23. My mom once told me never to hold a compliment in because you never know when someone needs to hear it. I try to live by that.

24. I once overheard someone said, ‘I love how you carry your hair naturally.’ I panicked and felt scared. Americans could be sarcastic.

25. Cultural indoctrination through immersion. The same way most people anywhere learn their cultural norms. When you are raised around people that act in certain ways show expectations for certain kind of behavior you adapt to that environment.

26. They were raised that way

27. You’re Indian, right? It’s interesting that Indian youths hug and cuddle with the same sex as a show of friendship and camaraderie, but culturally you just don’t _say_ that stuff because _that’s_ somehow inappropriate.

    I’m 2nd-gen Indian American, and there was a lot I had to learn outside of home about how to socialize and express my emotions. I’m a very late bloomer in many ways, including with dating/relationships, as a result. My parents are loving and caring, and compared to family friends they’re way more outspoken, but there are still so many sentiments that just aren’t vocalized.

    It’s all about keeping your head down, being part of the herd, and being “good.” Indians lean hard into the worse parts of collectivist culture (shame for being different than the community) and sometimes gloss over the best parts (the community supporting you during difficult times). I think those of us who have moved into western societies without that strict social fabric holding us in place start to feel more free to express our emotions, opinions, and sentiments towards others. There are pros and cons to everything, but this is absolutely a pro. 🙂

28. We are taught to give compliments by our families. Not ingeniously though. If I see someone had done their hair nicely or is wearing a cool outfit or even accomplished something I give them a compliment. Why not give them a compliment? It is nice to make someone else feel good.

29. Just how we are raised. Politeness is really important in our overall culture. You can be a murdering scumbag but you better be polite and nice about it!!/s kidding sort of but yes it’s a thing here. And complimenting people is part of being polite and friendly even with strangers.

30. It’s explicitly taught in families and at school. I’m totally serious. As an American, I kept these habit while living in other places and some people thought I was really annoying.

31. I learned from my mom.
    I think I was properly socialized, idk.

    You’ll learn over time and get better, don’t worry. Watch those around you, and be brave and try yourself. Best not to be too over-the-top, the point is connection and making somebody feel good about themselves.