Women of Reddit, how do you stop holding onto small words/actions/confrontations that upset you and just let it go?

10 comments

1. I remind myself that stress is bad for my skin and that life is too short to care about most things that happen in it.

2. Time i suppose. Also talking about it to others, not the person who upset you, but maybe with your mom/sister/close friend. Tell them you arent asking for advice and just want somebody to offer support.

3. Realizing that it was self-destructive. I try to protect my peace, and it includes trying to let go of bad vibes, even if the person will then think that “they won”. My peace is more important that their opinion of me.

4. basically as you get older, you lose your will to give a f*ck lol

5. It’s taken me a long time to learn to let go of small things that upset me, but I’ve finally managed to achieve this.
   I like to remind myself that sometimes it just isn’t worth always holding onto every small thing.

   I have a ‘test’ that I do to see if something is worth pursuing and finding a solution to: I initially remove myself from the person or environment for a few days, and if the problem is still bothering me or consumes my thoughts, then I’ll confront the person and try to calmly find a solution to the problem.

6. I grew up with a really volatile and difficult parental figure, and it kind of fostered this really early understanding in me that in any given situation the only factor that I can control is myself. I could meet aggression with aggression and stand in the doorway and shout back. I could be patient and quiet and do my best to hear her out and try to address what was upsetting her. I could turn around and walk back out of the house and remove myself from the situation entirely. When it came to her, it did. not. matter**.** She was going to keep doing what she would do.

   **But…**

   Even though what she was doing to me was not fair, sitting around festering about how unfair it was allowed her keep being there, in a sense sparking up all that frustration and anxiety even after I’d left. I had to come to terms not only with that it wasn’t fair, but focusing all of my energy on how unfair it was wasn’t going to make it fair. The only thing that ever made it better was letting it go and focusing my attention on energy on things that made me happy and at peace.

7. I try to think about the other persons point of view. It doesn’t excuse it because we all make bad choices, but it helps me process and move on.

   I could be upset everyday forever for having two abusive, alcoholic parents. Instead, I think about how horrible their parents were and the absolute crap that life threw at them. Is it an excuse for treating my brother and I the way they did? Absolutely not. But it helps me understand that they were victims too without a support system to show them how to handle mistreatment.

8. Consider the source

9. I have diaries. Sometimes when I am upset I read back in my life how often I was upset and got over it or forgot about it even if I was devastated in that moment. Giving myself perspective helps.

10. Rant about it briefly to someone else that supports me. I don’t need solutions, I just need someone to say “yeah!” and “I would have said/done/etc the same!” or whatever. I just need it out of my system.