My (M25) wife (F23), and I dated for about three years before we got married. She didn’t want to have sex before marriage (which I know is a controversial opinion here, but I love her so much so I was happy to support her). I know how sex can be new, challenging, different, and scary for anyone so I worked really hard to do everything I could to make sure she was prepared in the months leading up to wedding night. I felt we were prepared. Night one was great. We had foreplay, she received oral sex, and then we had some penetration. She loved all of it. She talked about how excited she was because she enjoyed everything so much more than she thought she would. She wasn’t too tight so intercourse was no problem. She was incredibly optimistic. However at this point she still hadn’t approached orgasm.
Over the next few I could tell we were getting her very close to orgasm. However, what seems to be right before orgasm she starts to shake and burst into tears. We stop and explains that she hates the shaking (convulsions) and that everything is so overwhelming. She reaffirms that she really likes everything (foreplay, oral, penetration) but that things get scary (yes, scary is the word she uses) when the vibrator is used for extended periods of time (when she starts to get near orgasm). But she also admits that the vibrator is the orly thing that seems to push her close enough to have a chance of orgasm. This has happened multiple times, with the most recent one being after 30 minutes of kissing, caressing, and foreplay, an hour and a half of oral sex, and a half hour of vibrator use. (By the way this whole time she’s been very vocal about what exactly she wants me to do. This applies to everything, including oral sex and how/where I use the vibrator).
This is important to note, she has no history of SA. This response would make a lot of sense if this were the case but she’s assured me it’s not.
This has been excruciating for her. I know it’s only been a week but not being able to orgasm, and being afraid of orgasm are two different things. She is completely distraught and has cried about 5 times today alone. It’s all she can talk about and think about. She has no desire to try for an orgasm again, and seems to be certain that whatever it feels like can’t be worth the discomfort of what seems to come before.
I know it takes a long time for women to learn to orgasm. That’s not what this is about. This seems to be a lot more complex, and she is just so miserable. What would you do? What are some reccomended next steps? Has anyone experienced this before? Please help if you have any insights at all.