It’s a bit of a story but for context, my (29F) bf (34M) was driving in slippery weather and heading home he sped up a lot to change lanes almost at an intersection and I got nervous. He’s a good driver but I felt like he didn’t need to increase the risk. I told him that made me nervous and he laughed at me and when I asked why he said that “it’s like when a baby sees a clown and gets scared even though it’s safe, because they don’t have any experience with people in costumes”.
There’s always a risk driving, which goes up with inclement weather and when increasing speed and we’d already slid a little on turns. Also I do drive, so it’s not like I don’t know anything. I told him I’d prefer if he just said sorry for scaring me and reassured me that everything was under control instead of comparing me to a baby. He said sorry but he also doubled down and said I was misunderstanding his analogy and just meant I was inexperienced.
We could’ve both just dropped it at this point but I felt insulted and like he was brushing my feelings off so I continued the conversation in the house and it turned into an argument. He ended up saying that it seems like he needs to watch what he says around me, which I don’t see working because he can be insensitive and I’m highly sensitive. I believe the reasonable solution would be for both people to accept feelings got hurt, exchange apologies and move on.
In the end we were both very worked up and he said that my generation is the problem and that these people are too sensitive and make everyone else change the way they talk. I think that comment hurt me the most. I get that he doesn’t like woke culture but I’m not even that woke. I’m reasonable, open-minded, and I’ve always had a lot of big feelings. I’m just like this. We all have trauma and triggers and I went to therapy and I read books so I can grow and understand better. Difference is when I get triggered, I talk about it; when he gets triggered he buries it. He believes my way is wrong and that I’m always causing fights.
Is there anything we can do? Am I being unreasonable? I’m very supportive and accepting of him and I try not to judge how he deals with his emotions.. but clearly I have a hard time letting things go when I feel insulted and he won’t give a sincere apology without standing his ground constantly.
I sent him a long message explaining all of how I felt but he hasn’t responded yet.
TLDR: bf suggested the root of our problems is woke culture. I’m not woke, just sensitive. He diminishes my feelings and views me as a problem-maker.
Edit: We talked briefly and he said that he didn’t mean it in a rude way when he laughed at me or even his analogy and that it’s just how I interpreted it. I tried to explain that it seems dismissive when you laugh after someone says they are scared and I didn’t feel reassured. I probably could’ve expressed that in a different way than get upset but in the moment I just reacted cause I felt slighted.
He pointed out that the road condition was much improved at this point and that he was only driving the speed limit so he’s saying he did nothing wrong.
All I had to say was that I wasn’t driving so I wasn’t aware of the road conditions nor his speed. I simply felt a little concerned and a little reassurance would’ve been all that was necessary.