About 5 years ago, I had a three year old, a 2 year old, and a baby (3 months at the time).
I had no help and cared for my children alone each day while my now ex partner was at work until about 7pm daily. It was a very sleep deprived and busy time, and it often took a full three hours to get all three children out the door between nappy changes and breast feedings when we needed to go somewhere.
I was getting my children ready to go to an appointment. My baby was strapped into his buggy. My three year old was dressed, and I was helping my 2 year old put shoes on. I was kneeling on the floor with my bottom on my heels, helping my 2 year old with shoes, when my three year old ran up to me from behind to grab my hair. I waved my hand behind my head and he ran away. A few seconds later, he ran up behind me again. I did not realise he was about to do a flying leap onto the sofa because he was behind me. I thought he was coming to grab my hair. This time, I tried to swing my arm around behind me to grab him. As I did this, he did a run/leap by me and I accidentally hit him beneath the eye with the back of my hand.
I felt horrible. I stopped everything and held him and told him mummy was so sorry. He cried and calmed down and we continued our day.
The next day, he had a small mark under his eye. I told my husband what had happened. My husband then began to take pictures of my son’s eye and said, mummy hurt you didn’t she? He took pictures of my son looking sad with a small bruise under his eye (not a black eye, but a small/light bruise on the upper cheek) for a couple of days.
I asked my then husband why he was taking pictures. He said it was to make sure it never happens again. I already felt horrible and like a horrible mother for what had happened, but I knew very well that it was extremely unlikely to happen again. I also felt extremely shamed by the photos.
Nothing like that ever has happened – not before or since. With any of my children. It would not have happened if my son had been in front of me where I could see him.
My husband kept those pictures, and when I saw them again on his phone several years after the fact, I asked him to delete them. He said he would but I know he didn’t.
Interestingly, my ex husband was the person who was violent around our home and had a pattern of being rough with myself and our children consistently, which is why I left him.
It’s now been five years since that incident happened and there has literally been nothing since that could cause my parenting to be questioned. Although we currently have a shared custody arrangement for our children, I sometimes worry that my ex is going to try to come out with that old picture and try to use it against me. My ex is someone I simply don’t trust. Am I just being paranoid or is this something he could use against me?