Update:
Thank you all for the comments and advice. I had a talk with her this morning. For those asking why I haven’t just communicated openly, I’m someone who needs time to digest shocking information and dissect it in my mind before I can talk about it.
I brought up what she said and first tried to express neutral curiosity. I asked her where would we even find people to swap or have group sex with. She said that we could go to a sex/swingers club together or there are fetish apps we could use to find randos. She emphasized she would feel weird approaching anyone we know.
Then I asked where she got the idea of doing this in the first place. She’s part of a sex positive women’s group on Facebook (not a specific kink one) which I know about because she shared stories and advice from there before. Apparently, there’s a very vocal ENM portion of the group that always rave about the “lifestyle” and at first she would roll her eyes but eventually stated thinking about it more seriously and she thought our romantic relationship was stable enough to try sexual exploration with others.
I’ll admit, both these answers were somewhat of a relief because it didn’t seem like she had anyone in mind or was close to cheating. So that’s when I divulged my true feelings and told her I was shocked and repulsed by the idea. She seemed surprised I was so repulsed. I told her that I can’t imagine ever watching another man fuck her or knowing that it’s happening, and any pleasure I would get from fucking another woman would be barely anything because I wouldn’t care about this person or know her at all. If I want to fuck a blow up doll I’d do that, but I prefer to have feelings for someone I’m fucking. I asked my wife very seriously if she wants me to date another woman and try to develop some connection to her so I can then fuck her. She got quiet and said no. I told her I know her well enough to know that she would inevitably develop some kind of feelings for another man if she were to speak with him at all and have sex with him. She said she wasn’t sure and that other women were convincing that she could separate sex and feelings.
I asked her if this was a dealbreaker for her that I didn’t want to do this. She claims of course not but she just wants me to think about it and if after I still say no, she won’t ever ask again.
That’s where we left it for now. I think she’s having some sort of midlife crisis. We are trying new things in bed so it’s not like we’re doing only basic vanilla shit. For those of you who are saying to divorce her immediately and that this is over, it’s not that simple. Yes, we have kids and have built a life together. I was in an emotional state last night but I really don’t want this request from her to change how I see her forever or break everything we have. Maybe we need therapy but right now I’m not making any big decisions.
Original post:
My wife just dropped a bomb on our marriage. For background, we have sex pretty frequently, like 2-3 times a week most weeks. I thought I was living the good life. But she just told me that she was fantasizing about having threesomes. She first started out by asking me if I’ve ever thought about doing it with another woman and her at the same time. I adamantly said no. But she doesn’t believe me, saying “cmon, you know that’s a common fantasy, nothing wrong with it”
Then she admits that she’s fantasized about having a threesome with another man and it would be something that would take our relationship to the next level. At this point, I shut down and am silent. She continues and says we could even try swapping partners with another couple to see how it feels first. As if that’s a great “first step” to all this! I am completely frozen. I feel like vomiting inside but can’t say anything. Can’t even express anything at all. She realizes that I’m not feeling it and tries to move past to other fantasies we haven’t tried yet. But I can’t get past what she told me. I tell her I’m not feeling well and leave the room.
I can’t get past this. She doesn’t feel satisfied with me pleasing her in every way I can. She would always make fun of people who did swinging and I never in a million years thought she would be into it. But here we are. I’m crashing here with my thoughts. Is she already cheating on me? Is there someone in mind she wants to fuck? Is this marriage over? Should I just accept that she will be unsatisfied in this marriage no matter what I do so I might as well give in and agree to fucking around with randos?