My partner (33M) and I (29F) broke up 4 weeks ago, 8 month relationship. I ended it because we would get into arguments over what should be very small things because he would deny my feelings.
Example – when I tell him if he could please change the tone of how he speaks to me when he’s frustrated as it triggers me and makes me remember past trauma. I will be in tears and he says he wasn’t speaking in a tone and it sounds like a problem I have and that I am too sensitive. But then also says he wouldn’t have gotten frustrated if I had listened to him. He says he often repeats himself and I don’t listen which I took accountability for and apologised but he failed to see how I felt.
This type of thing happened repeatedly and I understood that it was because when I would express myself he would take it personally and feel as though I’m attacking him all the time. He does have quite a lot of self hate and always expressed that he wasn’t good enough for me.
The he start of our relationship was amazing but towards the end we both got so swept away by our relationship we lost ourselves i.e. didn’t eat well, didn’t train like we did before, hung out with each other all the time.
Anyway, I still have a lot of feelings for him and can’t seem to forget about him. He has so many great qualities and I’ve been in a few relationships before (one of which was 4 years) but none have felt like this. No one has made me laugh like he does, no one has made me feel safe in being my real self, no one has cared for me the way he does (cooking me food etc.). I don’t want to give up on him, but I can’t continue to be told that I’m over reacting and sensitive.
Thoughts?