We broke up because we couldn’t be together enough

Maybe a bit of a controversial story, but I’m a married man, have been for 10 years and love my wife and daughter very much. About 2,5 years ago my wife and I embarked on something we call a new path. That path meant we were open to find an additional relation to enhance and enrich our lives. We took several months to talk about rules and possibilities and eventually started looking. She had some mixed success and for me it took a little longer to find someone I liked enough, to actually see for more than a few times.

Eight months ago I found a woman via Tinder, with whom it was basically love at first sight. She knew I was married from the very start, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway so that was ok. I fell in love with her after a few weeks and she did too. We had the opportunity to see each other every two weeks where we would spend the day and night from saturday to sunday in a hotel.

Despite the fact we missed each other a lot during the time we were not together, which gave some friction but was always talked about and resolved, our special relationship was very beautiful and enriched my life by a lot. Because of the extra attention and love my marriage benefited from this as well.

Then last saturday a sudden change. She told me she saw no future in our relationship. She needed to be honest and release her feelings that she had suppressed all the time. She couldn’t go on within the boundaries we had set from the start. She missed me too much during the 12- 13 days we weren’t together despite daily contact via phone or app. She needed physical contact. Our dates were so good it made her realize she wanted a relationship after all. The cuddles when she woke up, drinking coffee together, sharing feelings and experiencing things together.

Since last saturday we’ve had contact on sunday, monday, tuesday and eventually wednesday to try and work out the differences and try to come to a solution. But we haven’t been able to. There’s a gap we can’t seem to close. It wasn’t her intention to break up then and there, but for me it seems inevitable since she sees no future. It feels pointless to go on. I will always have that fear it could break up at any moment if we were to keep seeing each other and I need that confidence or it will feel weird.

Wednesday evening was the last time we had contact where we agreed to stop contact.
Thursday and today are exceptionally hard. I’m in a vicious cycle going from denial, to relapse to acceptance and back. I’ve never had a single moment during the 8 months where I realized it could end and I didn’t see this coming. We agreed to stop contact to allow ourselves to get over each other, but it feels so wrong. I’ve never experienced this in my life. It hurts so much. I miss her so much. I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR My FWB wants more than a casual relationship which seems to have resulted in a breakup