Sorry that this has probably been posted a thousand times. My partner (25m) and I (24f) have been together for 5 years, and we‘ve lived together for the past 3.
I hate to say it, but there’s another guy I have a crush on and have for the past week or so. I’ve had crushes during our relationship before too. He’s not the reason I’d leave my boyfriend, but I’ve been asking myself why I like the idea of being someone else better than going through the motions of staying in my relationship. I also would never cheat or hurt my boyfriend in any way.
Our sex life has probably been the biggest struggle we’ve had throughout our relationship and we both recognize it. He’s not willing to spice things up in the bedroom, only wants to do the things that he likes, but overall we don’t have sex often. Like 3-4x a month max. I’ve never liked this and have contemplated breaking up with him in the past because of it, brought up those feelings, and given him second chances every time. Sometimes his medications make it hard for him to get in the mood and I understand.
I’ve brought up marriage in the past multiple times very directly, but my boyfriend never takes me seriously. I’ve mentioned proposing to him, but he always says he wants to be the one to do it. I don’t think he ever will, or that it will be too late when he does.
But there’s so many good things about our relationship too— he’s funny, he cares for me when I’m down, he does chores for me, and I do believe that he loves me in every way he can. Maybe my expectations are still too high or maybe we’re just not the right fit in every aspect.
I don’t know how to break it off with him or even if I should. I don’t want to lose the person that cares for me the most, I don’t want to lose any friends, we have two cats that would end up coming with me, and we work together so I wouldn’t want him to quit his job.
TLDR: Boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, don’t have a good sex life and he hasn’t shown interest in a serious future together, a breakup would make aspects of my life messy, and I don’t know how I’d go about it or if I should.