I (25M) deployed a few years ago. For context, it was not a combat deployment, but I suffered heavily from people I was with.
I have always been extremely sociable, loved talking and meeting new people, and made a point to relate to people the best I could even if they came from a different background and lived a different life from my own. My closest friends used to refer to me as a golden retriever, but I no longer feel that way and it doesn’t feel good.
During my time overseas, I had a tough time with the people I was with. I constantly felt put down, ignored, and even harassed at points. I felt a big change in myself towards the end of deployment when I finally started advocating for myself. I was able to see people’s actions against me for what they were, and got the right people involved. I gained a lot more respect for myself in the process. It was such a miserable time for myself but I grew a lot.
Since being home though, I see everyone as a threat. I can’t stop reading into every single action as self serving, agressive, or generally negative. I can’t get close to people the same way I used to, and I’m much more defensive.
Therapy is something I’m working on going to, but what can I do work on this on my own? Why am I so quick to dismiss others, and how can I stop wasting so much energy on being angry? What should I do to help me connect with people when I’m so focused on trying not to be hurt by them?