My husband and I have been together for 17 years. Since the beginning, we’ve shared a very close bond. We’ve relied on each other, cared for each other, pushed each other and grown together.
He got diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder a few years ago, which means he goes through periods of intense hyperactivity, grandiosity, oscilates between cheerfulness and irritation during these periods, and a bunch of other symptoms.
Unfortunately, the increased libido and impaired judgement (that are part of the disorder) means that there have been a series of transgressions in the marriage.. asking a colleague for their naked pictures, attempting to call a prostitute home and the latest- sexting with a stranger found in a chat room online.
I get it.
I get that it’s part of the symptom profile and that his brain is genuinely malfunctioning when this happens.
But it hurts. Every single time.
And now, I’m in this weird space where up and down isn’t making sense.. I know I am hurt and angry, but I am also so deeply aware of his contrition and the genuine lack of control during the episodes.
I don’t want to walk away, but I really wonder about the long term sense in staying in a marriage where I also know that these transgressions are likely to happen again given that an episode might happen again, even while on medication and in therapy. I wonder about my own sense of self-respect and till what extent I am willing to tolerate this, even though I might understand why it is happening.
We’ve been trying to conceive.. if and when we do have a child, the child would also see his father acting like a fuckboy and his mother accepting that… What example would that be setting for the kid- male or female?
I don’t even know what advice to ask for..anything to soothe or help would be appreciated..
TL;DR: how do you accept the hurts you suffer when your spouse is mentally unwell?