Me and my girlfriend of 8 years broke up a year ago but got back together with the promise to work on our problems. The reason for our breakup was mental problems and stress.
During this year, things have been chaotic. A lot of fighting, mental breakdowns, and me supporting her to seek therapy and get help for her stress problems.
I got increasingly stressed myself and started withdrawing more from the relationship from seeing her so vulnerable almost every day and not knowing how to help her (knowing I can’t fix her mental health). Depression and stress really sucks, and it’s so hard to deal with when you don’t know how.
She finally saw a doctor and started medication recently. But the fighting continued, typically after me saying something that triggered her (that I was unaware off), and me getting irritated that things are taken out of context (in my eyes).
Three weeks ago, after a huge fight, we decided to take a break. I moved into my parents house and have stayed here since. We talk briefly maybe every two days, but try not to. We said we’re still together and don’t see other people. We decided on taking the time we need.
I love her so much, but I don’t know if this relationship is possible the way it is now. She has a long history of family and relationship abuse and have lived her life for other people (in her own words) for so long that she’s forgotten about her own needs, likes, and dislikes.
She needs to find out who she is, and told me that’s the reason she wants a break. She can’t fix herself and our relationship at the same time, and that’s when we decided on the break. She says she wants to be with me and only me.
Do you have any advice on how long the break should be and what the best next steps is? Is 3 months enough or should we give it a year or more? Or should we just break up?
Thank you