My (28F) husband (29M) likes to grocery shop. He’s ruled by his cravings when it comes to food. He’s used to deciding what he wants to eat on a not quite daily basis then going to the grocery store to get what he needs to make it. I grew up in the household where we grocery shop once a week. If we don’t have a specific meal planned, I’ll “girl dinner” and just find an assortment of things.
Things have gotten better since we got married. I’ve told him by the time we decide what we want and go get the ingredients I’m starving before we’ve made dinner. So we don’t often go before dinner anymore. But he still wants to go all the time. He thinks of it as a way to get out of the house when he gets home from work. For me, it’s a chore. Going to the bank or any other errand I do on my own (we have different work schedules) so we can spend time together doing things we enjoy. I don’t enjoy doing it and get irriated that we can’t do it efficiently (think walking through every aisle when we have a list).
It also happens that we can’t plan to go. He always decides we should go whenever it’s evening and I’m in for the night. I may be in my Pajamas and it’s 8:30 when he asks me to go to the store. I will admit I can be inflexible. I like to know what my day has in store when I get up for the day, so I’ve asked him to give me at least 24 hrs notice if he wants to do something after he or I get off work as I set expectations for my evening all day. This part has not gotten better.
We have been working to eat healthier, plan meals, reduce food waste, and lose weight for the past year. It’s difficult because we don’t enjoy many of the same types of meals and he often isn’t in the mood for whatever we’ve planned to eat that night. He also sees altering recipes (to use up ingredients we already have) as not acceptable. We’re not great at sitting down together to make the meal plan and I can’t do it alone because I don’t know what he will be in the mood for.
When he asks me to go the grocery store with him without notice and I don’t want to, he accuses me of being the reason we can’t reach our health goals. He says I’m not supporting him in his health. This frustrates me because I’m constantly suggesting healthy recipes and inviting him to the gym with me, and he’s telling me no. I tell him, let’s make a meal plan now then I’m happy to go tomorrow while he’s at work. He says he won’t know what we have then and it won’t get eaten. I offer to go the next day with him when he gets off work and then he says we always procrastinate and that’s why we can’t meet our goals. When I do go but I’m plainly irriated about it, he’s upset with that too.
This sparks arguments again and again. I feel like I’m the scapegoat for our difficulty reaching our health goals when I’m perfectly willing to do what it takes and even go to the store with him. I just don’t want to go more than once or twice a week. I want my time respected. I’m tired of fighting about it.
Mostly vent. But I wouldn’t mind any advice. Thanks.