So i am M(33) and my sister is F(35)
When I was 14 and my sister was 16 my mum kicked her out to go live with my dad which i later learned from my father that she had blamed me for this. When i left home at 18 to go to university my sister moved back in with my mum as she had fell out with my dad. In and around this time there was alot of secrecy in my family which stemmed from my mum around my 3 siblings speaking with me and none of them would even give me their phone number.
There was always this strained dynamic which stemmed from my mothers haterid towards my farther and she would play us off each other if any of us showed any interest in having a relationship with our farther. Shortly after i left for university my younger sister who was 14 at the time even stopped speaking with me and my farther and has only ever phoned him once of twice since then looking for money.
Fast forward to 2017 when i was 27 my sister had a baby and i met with her, my mum and my older brother for a celebration meal. we went back to my sisters after the meal as the farther of the baby was calling over and shortly after he arrived I ended up leaving. my sister was understanding of this at the time.
Over the next two years i probably only saw her once or twice but the focus of this was on the baby but there wasnt really alot of communication between us as siblings. I offered to help her in anyway i could at the time with baby sitting but she never took me up on any of these offers. shortly after this we lost contact and i later found out she ended up moving in with my dad as the farther of the child left, and she then ended up suddenly packing and moving to my mum one night.
Fastforward again to 2020 and i ran into some difficulty with my living situation due to circumstances related to the covid pandemic. When i moved back in with my mum (which was a big mistake) I had discovered that my sister had just moved out and finally had her own place with my nephew.
I lived with my mum for around 18 months and it was a very difficult situation as my mum is a very difficult person in general. My sister was the one who put me in contact with her after my farther had put me in contact with my sister. My sister also let me store some of my belongings when i was moving out. (She had also mentioned to me at the time that if i had asked her weather or not i should of movind in in the first place, she would of warned me against this.
At the time I was living with my mum and shortly after when we were still speaking (my phoning her to see if i could see my nephew) my sister would spend any time she had off work visiting my other sister or my brother of if she hd some free time but was not travelling she would go see my mum.
After moving out i had kept some contact with my sister and would see her and my nephew maybe once every 6 weeks but this was only when she would take him to the cinema. and i would only literally get to see him for the movie. Again as had previously been the focus of this was on my nephew and there wasnt really alot of communication between us as siblings. Again I offered to help her in anyway i could at the time, baby sitting but she never took me up on any of these offers.
Eventually i lost her number after i factory reset my phone without backing up any numbers and in the next 3 months she never once phoned – I ended up geting a new number after these 3 months. Its been around 14 months since we last spoke.
TL;DR – how can i create a relationship with my older sister who is quite close to my other two siblings who want nothing to do with me, who also has some involvement in her life from my mother who i want nothing to do with.