All my life I’ve been really socially anxious and overthought almost everything I said, a lot because I thought I acted really cringe and didn’t want others, including my friends, thinking I’m weird. Yesterday I was chatting with a friend and I said some awfully awkward shit and only realized later when we stopped. So, I apologized to him mentioning how my behavior that time was weird and wrong and all he said was “What do you mean???” “What did you say?”
It just made me feel even more embarrassed lol, but also made me think how you assume the worst to these situations, when in the end it probably doesn’t even matter to the other person. But even after knowing this, the feeling still doesn’t go away, and honestly, it’s exhausting.
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In my own experience, most people are honestly way more concerned with how they come across to others than they are with what others say to them. It’s bizarre, but we’re all kind of attuned to this.
The truth is that everybody has different sensitivities- different things that make them feel awkward. So it’s not like you can say ANYTHING and it won’t bother someone, but often times, as long as you don’t dig deeper into it, it won’t be an issue. Pay attention to any body language that indicates discomfort (e.g. looking downwards, frowning, not saying anything, etc.), and if you don’t see it, chances are- it’s not a big deal. And even if it makes them a little uncomfortable at the time, they’ll probably quickly forget about it- especially if you don’t keep at it.
I know how frustrating that feeling is, though. And I think the best think you can practice is to forgive yourself. I promise you, everyone makes faux pas- but we succeed by recognizing that they don’t define us. That we’re still capable. And we move on, always vowing to do better. It’s a lesson I’m still learning myself.
People don’t care as much about WHAT you say as they do about HOW you say it. In other words they care about the “vibe” of the interaction, not usually the specifics.
I don’t really care what you or anyone says. What I care about is the effect of what you say. If it has no effect then it doesn’t matter. The effect of our words depends on delivery, how it is received and who receives it.
There is a sort of “leeway” that most socially clued in give each other because we all know being social is sometimes awkward. So in most cases awkward comments get a pass. However, the amount of leeway is directly related to how well you know someone (better relationship, more leeway). Thats why its really hard around strangers.
Btw…you should be flattered that your friend gave you so much leeway. Thats a good indicator of how much they feel they are friends with you.