My boyfriend (30m) and I (25f) have been together around 6 months. We’ve had numerous issues since then. We started living together pretty much since the beginning of the relationship and he recently asked me to leave and go back to my home. Okay fine. Shit hurt but I kind of understood. We haven’t had sex in almost 4 months due to, in his words, “body image issues and not being comfortable around me naked anymore”. We started going to couples counseling because we couldn’t seem to get along and when we go, it seems to go so much smoother for the next week or so. But we still can’t agree on things. Now I’m not saying I’m perfect because I have my own issues, mostly with mental health and abandonment, but he treats me like I’m just an annoying friend who he feels obligated to speak to. He’s constantly telling me I don’t leave him alone enough and I don’t think we spend enough time together so as a “compromise” on his side, he said he would talk to me everyday (something I think we should already be doing). He’s also constantly rude and mean anytime we are together and acts as though I am annoying him even if I am literally just sitting there. Well it’s been almost 8 days since we’ve seen each other (I told him not seeing each other for a week was a fear of mine and he said he would be fine with only seeing me once a week or less) and two days ago he called me and told me he didn’t want to talk to me and then hung up. That’s the last time we have talked because I don’t feel like I should have to be the one to reach back out like always. I’m at my breaking point and am starting to wonder if we just shouldn’t be together anymore. I could keep going on but this post would be enormous. Just need some advice.
TLDR: my boyfriend and I are having issues and it has lead to us not seeing each other in 8 days or talking in 2.
13 comments
Short answer: yes.
You should find someone who wants the amount of contact you want, and he should find someone who wants the amount of distance he wants (which, wow, good luck).
Sounds like you should just move on with your life without him.
You have been together 6 months and in couple counseling for 4 months??? Leave
He fucking someone and it’s over walk away while you both have your dignity intact
6 months and already living together? 6 months and going to couples counseling? This is ridiculous. This relationship was doomed from the start. Break up already.
It sounds like he’s just trying to get you to dump him because he doesn’t wanna pull the trigger. Is it even worth questioning if it’s only been 6 months? It’s not even a long-term relationship, you didn’t mention anything about substantial investments within this relationship. If you continued to date him and possibly build a life with him but he treated you like this from the beginning, imagine what he’s going to do when he realizes you won’t leave despite his bullshit.
If you’re having these many issues after only 6
Months, it kind of sounds almost like a losing battle
Of course you shouldn’t be with him.
You should also continue seeing a therapist to deal with your abandonment issues or you’re going to keep having similar issues for the rest of your life .
Please, let go of this dude. He’s rude, he’s refusing to meet your needs, and he doesn’t seem to want you around. This is not a good relationship.
I’m sorry, OP, but it sounds like the two of you are deeply incompatible in almost every aspect. Your interests and preferences don’t align well at all, and couples counselors are not magicians. They can give you tools and coaching to improve your communications skills and deepen your intimacy, but they can’t resolve the deep-seated differences you describe.
Your BF may be suffering just as much as you are in this difficult relationship, and I support you in thinking that it’s probably time to leave. You both deserve to be much happier than you are, and the best way to get there is to break up with him and move on. I wish you well.
This guy literally told you to move out your home, that he is not comfortable being around you, and doesn’t see the need to be with you or communicate with you for weeks at at time.
Give him what he wants – move out and dump him ASAP. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
The hard part will be as soon as you leave, he’ll start being attentive, act better towards you and beg you to return – DON’T FALL FOR IT. Get going and have a better life without this nutcase ruining yours.
If you are having serious problems this early stage of your relationship, end it. Both of you deserve to find someone that will meet both your needs and be happy. Life is short you both deserve happiness.
One thing I didn’t mention that might make this different. When we were talking on the phone a few days ago, he says he only wants to be alone right now and that it’s not permanent. He said he’s got a lot of stuff going on right now (bills, court, work) and he’s overwhelmed and just needs time to figure everything out and then he can focus on me. Now this could 100% be a lie and a cop out I don’t know but I didn’t want to leave it out and make it sound like I was trying to make him out to be the bad guy.
Edit: sentence structure