Any partners out there with this experience?
Embarrassing to say the least. Gut-wrenching to say the most.
The cheating would be when he got drunk and I either couldn’t visit or couldn’t hang, but it’s also happened on good terms too, and he’d lie about them until proven otherwise then confess. If my spirit hadn’t shown me any I would still be in the dark and that is scary. I’d say about 4x I can prove. Most recently however, new year btw (2024), and I caught him messaging a coworker on a new job, said she was beautiful but then deleted. He didn’t know she responded haha thanks and he asked me to check something and I ended up seeing response. He lied the whole weekend about it and finally came clean but after that I was already done atp bc he had gaslit me into thinking I was crazy or tripping. That being said, his PO ironically showed up and saw he was not at work, showed up at home and he was not there, and basically now he has a curfew & restitutions to mandatorily pay. That being said, this puts a huge strain on our trust bc he is at the same job with the same chick. He claimed he hasn’t talked to her but…am I just kidding myself here? Like am I really stupid by sticking by his side? He also has a drinking problem and has broken things in my house and punched holes. His stepdad is going to help him fix all the damage and he will pay me back when he starts an extra spring/summer job soon, but my family has already severed ties about the whole thing and want me to have nothing to do with him. The last summer was wilder in where he tattooed my name over his heart, stalked me, had some drug issues, and had severe jealously with where he was hallucinating etc. (might have been from adhd and drugs imbalance reaction).He has calmed down drinking and bc of the curfew just works and comes home but…what’s stopping him from inviting someone over when he has the house to himself? Or conversing/having an affair at work before coming home? If he was able to have ways around it before then…who’s to say he wouldn’t now? He does not stalk me anymore but did most of 2023, popping up at my job, house, etc. He IRONICALLY has a jealously problem and has gone through my phone and spoken to ppl. I admit I have gone through his, but as you can see from what you have read, it was slightly if not full-heartedly warranted…thanks to anyone who made it this far! I know this is a crazy situation, and I never thought I would be in something like this trying to figure it out, but any and all advice is welcome.
Does anyone have any experiences with ex felons, or adhd-ers, or compulsive liars or cheaters, or those with additional possible mental “disorders” (I use that term loosely and prefer diagnosis or condition), or those with addiction problems? OR ANYTHING MENTIONED ABOVE HAHA.
Am I INSANE for taking on all those issues at once with someone I’ve only been with for a year? If I leave now, I probably won’t get any of my stuff fixed or paid back but…it’s really hard to say.
Yesterday, he mentioned he could possibly get medication for the adhd, and is taking drug assessment classes. But I mean, it’s only week 1 of this change and I was over it until all of this happened with his PO. This morning I mentioned I was having doubyts bc its too much anxiety. His parents have said this is really his first real relationship with someone with the love label bc he was locked up for all of his 20s except last little bit and he did not get the proper mental development per frontal lobe area and probably another area…he really acts as in the same mindset he went away as a late teen a 17/18 with no accountability or consequences for his actions.
TL;DR: Wondering if I (33 F) should just leave my boyfriend (30 M) who is a gaslighting and PTSD-starting, past cheating, past stalking me, current lying, ex-felon w/developmental issues (on PO, paying restitutions) with drinking & drug addictions, violence and jealousy problems in addition to unmedicated ADHD of one (1) year; who now has a curfew and other fines/classes to meet (last chance type deal) who you also don’t trust bc of recent lies…where do you even go from there?
My Background: BA in Psychology, Successful Career Woman, Empath, and dum dum apparently haha
EDIT: Please note ADHD is only mentioned bc of his words, not mine. I feel it may be a contributing factor but not in direct correlation to shitty choices.