Hi everyone. I need some perspective and I don’t really know how to go about this situation.
I (24F) am having difficulty splitting costs of living with my boyfriend (34M). For reference we live in the same apartment building and used to see each other every day, he’d make me dinner while I did work/studied or we’d go to the gym if I had time or he’d just come over and we’d watch tv while I fell asleep. We have been seeing each other for 11 months, “officially dating” for 4 or so.
I am in medical school, in my second year. I have been living in an 1bed/1bath apartment since starting school(rent was 2900/month), I also had a lot of other expenses as well: car, parking, credit card for food/personal stuff (about 2000). I received a scholarship/stipend for school and I work tutoring, doing research, taking ambulance shifts on the weekends, have investments from money I saved working since I was 16.
Fast forward until “officially dating” in October – when he says we should live together because his lease is up and mine doesn’t end until the summer so he moves in and says he’ll just give me cash to split rent. In my head I’m like great, I don’t have to work as much as step 1 studying is coming up and this will alleviate a little burden.
For reference he has his own business, works in finance as an advisor. I’m a little oblivious to the exact terminology….
Anyway, my credit card bill is now 5-6k/ month because he eats a ton, does laundry every day, and rent is now 3200/month because electricity water whatever I don’t understand how someone can use that much. He hasn’t split rent with me at all since being here, and he says he wants to focus on work…. And that he’s saving for our future (can’t wait to buy a house, says things along those lines, which is a distraction in the moment I guess).
We both go out and buy groceries or whatever we need for the apartment. Usually whoever is out picks up what we might need or we go together but sometimes if we go to the store together, he’ll say he forgot his card, he’ll Venmo me later (never did), or some lame excuses like that. I never really cared? Maybe because he would order DoorDash or get the next time.
So I approached him about the increase in bills and said I can’t keep up with my cc bill and keep studying for school. He told me to ask my parents for money because “they’re comfortable.”
My parents (73,66) have sacrificed so much, which is why I’ve had the opportunities and privileges to get to what I have today. I would never ask them for any money and my mom often tries to shove 20$ in my pocket when I go home “just in case” and I tell her I don’t need it, so we compromise on me taking cookies or leftovers.
They are the sweetest angels and I am just horrified how someone could suggest such a thing. I wouldn’t say they’re struggling but they’re definitely not sitting at home printing money – They’ve worked hard and my mom is still working every day getting up at 4:30 am.
I’ve never had a problem like this so I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to warp my family’s perception of him by telling them what these last few months have been like.