This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Yesterday marked 6 months since our first date! I can’t believe it. The past 6 months have been so great and I’m really excited about what the future holds. I feel so lucky to have met such a caring, loving, supportive partner who I am perfectly compatible with.
I posted the other day about someone I’m exclusive with but haven’t yet decided if it’s relationship material. I was struggling with one aspect I didn’t think would change (emotional depth and maturity) and now that I’ve had a few days to consider it, I have found a few more things we aren’t compatible with and it’s spelling the end of it. I can’t go back to just casual sex at this stage, so I have to end it, and I’m really upset about it. I thought I could “get used” to a few incompatibilities but I don’t think I can at all, nor compromise (things like communication styles for example).
He actually did something upsetting yesterday so I left, and I explained my feelings by text but haven’t heard back. That’s another big reason. It feels like I am being dismissed. Now to work out how to end it, if just text is okay after 6 months or not, since I don’t get a reply or apology even.
I wish people would seriously fill out the prompts on these apps. I adamantly don’t want someone who does ____. I match have good convo, turns out someone does ____.
He said I seemed very kind. Wtf does that mean🤣
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Question! I’ve spent the month trying to curate some pics for my old profile, this group is great at suggesting the type of pics one should have. Can I get a reminder please? Ie one candid shot, one where you’re dressed up etc
I just got laid off (yay tech). Now I feel like I’ve lost a lot of my value and worth. It’s so dumb and I know it’s temporary, but I feel like my career was such a pivotal part of me and now I feel like a loser. And now applying for jobs feels a lot like dating LOL
I’ve been trying to deal with the anxiety in between the first few dates (whether they like me, whether I think we are compatible) by trying to manage my expectations and, this one is new, holding on to the good moments from the dates.
For instance, I was stunned when my last date walked into the bar because she was so much prettier than her pictures. There was a 5-minute period where I was completely zoned out (and couldn’t remember what she was saying) because I was lost in her eyes, her hair and her smile. It’s been a while since I felt this way 🙂
I’m going to hold on to this wonderful memory and try not to worry about what will be.
Wake up babe, a new dating pet peeve just dropped:
When guys fawn over me in the first conversation. A guy complimented my name, my smile, then said I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen with my name, and then back to saying that I’m gorgeous.
I know it sounds petty, but like… thanks? It just starts to ring false, I can accept that he wouldn’t have matched if he didn’t believe it, but it gets to be a bit much. I’ve never been very comfortable being fawned over, so maybe it’s a me problem.
This is off topic but I wish I knew how difficult friendships would be at 33. It’s almost as difficult as dating. It’s like a 1 in a million shot that anyone will wanna do anything on the weekend I find (most friends are in long term relationships or married). I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone out and had a fun time. Between absolutely nothing going on on the dating apps and doing nothing but laying down all weekend it’s incredibly defeating.
She said “I don’t feel we need to go out again do you agree?”
I did agree, but also, what if I disagreed?
Thoughts please! I’ve recently started dating a guy, and he isn’t very communicative, a few texts here and there, says we should chat then never calls. He currently lives at the opposite end of the country but is due to move to my city (coincidentally, nothing to do with us) in a few weeks, he also has a very busy job that can see him working late into the night, so I get why he is perhaps extra quiet atm. I’m a BIG TIME texter, I will find time to text even if I’m up to my eyes in whatever. I’m trying to hold back and not overwhelm him but I’m finding the lack of communication hard, like he isn’t interested in me. I’m over reacting, right? I last dated in my early 20s, so all I’ve known is guys who just wanna text/chat all the time – looking back it was properly because we werent grown up with real jobs and lives. Is a more hands off approach more the norm when you’re older?
Feeling all the good feels today after having my first kiss with someone other than my now-ex-wife since I met her 14 years ago (and getting a third date locked in for this weekend). I’ve been dating for almost a year and know this is a messy, confusing journey that we’re all on, but it’s fun to acknowledge and celebrate the high points
Vent/advice
-I’m 39f, dating for 4 years in a major city. 6ish relationships all end (whether they call it or I do) bc the guy isn’t ready to commit/take it to the next level.
-Froze my eggs 7 years ago, want to be a wife/mom. But more than that (or first at least), I want someone to hang out with on a consistent basis. I volunteer, church, football fan, fit (lost 30 pounds 3 years ago), close to my family, travel, writing a book, a dog owner- I am not perfect (cooking is an “area of opportunity” and definitely should’ve focused on dating earlier in life) – but I have/am doing the work to be a great partner and add value to someone’s life.
– The issue is, that doesn’t seem to matter that much at my age. Every guy I’ve been with has loved that I’ve frozen my eggs, because deep down I don’t think they’re very interested in commitment/a family, and that provides us time. Often not something I address on the first few dates (looking for relationship/kids is on profile) as I’m trying to get a chemistry check. I can be too nice – and don’t bring bad energy or even desperate energy into dates – my goal is to get to know someone better and have fun!I I am fairly open (beyond things like a college degree, seems to like children and doesn’t hate women). Friends often say I need to raise my standards. –Overall, most of them have a reason to not commit (barriers they’ve built in, younger and more options, older and enmeshed with fam) and seem okay with it. Not to be all woe is me, but I am not okay with being single. Yet it’s hard to bring up the what are you looking for convo when 99% of people in my pool would say nothing/casual.
-People must think there is really something wrong with me to be trying so hard with no success, but you all might understand these difficulties…
-Here’s where the advice comes in. 3 months ago today I had something end (a situationship?). We saw each other 12x over 2-ish months despite travel. I’ve written about this guy once before – I so enjoyed himself around him – funny, things in common, he’d cook, our dogs would play or we’d watch a football game. Sometimes he’d look at me and I’d think finally. Date 6 he tells me he’s a maybe on kids bc of an awful divorce (while he and his ex were trying she cheated on him, had to tell their families not to meet them for a Paris bday trip) and tried to take all his money. I thank him for telling me and that I’m sorry, he says it’s okay, things worked out for the best and he has me and my dog now. But both my sisters were immediately weary, wondering if he would ever want to marry/have kids.
-So you can imagine my confusion/heartache with the hot and cold. The travel masked it for the first month but in all honesty it was probably there from the beginning. Likely dating others. We hadn’t had a convo about it and when you’re younger I think people multi-date a ton ..: I just felt like we’d be closer, have an amazing time then boom – it would be Thurs and he hasn’t asked me out for the weekend yet. But these guys seem to all operate on their schedule – if it works to see you 3 days in a row, they do – if they have other things/girls/friends, they do that. Serious dating doesn’t seem to be a priority for any of them.
-I said I’d like to see him more regularly (like a Fri/Sat, we had hung out on Sats before but not in 2 weeks) and he informs me he just got out of a relationship a month or two before meeting me. Girl moved across the country and in without him asking, they broke up and she wouldn’t leave – threatened to take his dog. Super dramatic.
-At this point I think he’s going to confirm he just wants casual, but he says he wants to take it slow, doesn’t think he’s damaged goods but guarded, I deserve the opportunity to get to know him because of my eggs. I was in.
– 2 days later he calls and ends it. Really, really on the fence about kids, spoke to his sis who’s our age about it who had to do IVF and she said this girl deserves to know where you stand. He doesn’t want to waste 6-12 months of my time and still be a maybe/no. He also says he can’t get into another relationship right now, he’s just not ready. He says multiple times (that day and two nights before) that this has nothing to do with me, it’s his past and I’m paying for the sins of others.
-However, he also says during the call that it might have been different if he met me a year after the breakup, he doesn’t know if this will be the last time he ever speaks to me, and doesn’t know what the future holds. I encourage him to reach out if he ever finds himself in a different place.
In all my other relationships it had been bad for a month or two, so I got over it sooner. I always put the blame on myself (did I do something to annoy him, was I not fun enough) but the guy really did seem to have a lot of trauma. The last thing he said to me was he enjoyed his time with me. I think he just viewed a relationship as pressure/scary (makes sense after his stuff) and I guess wants freedom to do whatever with his time, other girls, travel, etc.
Here’s the question: Would I ever reach out to him? Sometime this spring? God even writing that sounds so stupid. I just don’t think I was totally delusional in how well we got along, and wonder if with some time/playing the field he would appreciate more what we could have. Everyone we know is basically coupled up. I know guys can find someone when they’re older … but I really did find our connection to be rare. I know that doesn’t account for his feelings, but he seems to enjoy it too at different points.
One dating coach said all he wants with anyone is a good time, and the fact he said those things at the end is BS. I hate to think of someone being so calculating. I looked at it more as a tension within himself he couldn’t resolve (hot/cold), I just have many ?s about how he could say those things and not mean them. Are guys really so in the moment? Would he reach out? Was it all manipulation to have sex? Is he playing the field or (this would kill me) is he treating another girl to what I thought we were building to? If we bumped into one another what might happen?
The last girlfriend he had (the one who moved in) was an ex he’s gotten back together with (after a move), and I hear stories that people sometimes get back together. This is, I’m sure, the longest entry in the history of this page. But I wanted to explain the entire situation so that you know that I am trying to move on, give people a fair shot, work on myself – but it’s not working. And I still think about this guy, and is that just something to live with? Or should I try to see if there is anything left?
Thanks for reading and I promise to not post on this page for a good long while, but at the very least this has been cathartic.
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Dating feels like Schrodinger’s time. Everything is a waste of time and nothing is a waste of time… All at the same time.
Silly question, maybe i am overthinking it or maybe some from other perspective/thoughts?
I have an active match. She seems nice and interesting & interested. But now, our convo ended. But one hour later she say “well, i am going to bed”. Both said goodnight and my brain: “wait, why is she telling me this out of the blue?”
I had a fantastic second date with a guy. He repeatedly said he’s looking for a serious relationship and is so over casual. Gave me lots of compliments, hinting at longer term. Then he faded after the date, I asked and he said looking for something “more relaxed in terms of commitment”. Wtf? I told him that’s completely the opposite of what he said on the date, he either doesn’t know what he’s doing or were misleading. Then I moved on. Dating is annoying.
Dating this guy for a few months. Just after he asked me to consider making things more serious…. He blew up at me for something really minor (I asked him to pick up something to help my period pain) which he never had an issue with before. Then he just….. ghosted me.
It’s been a few weeks. During the first few days I checked in on him and asked if we to talk but he left me on read.
The heartache being ignored causes us downright cruel. As the time stretched on I felt my hope for this relationship gradually die slowly and painfully. He was my friend before this so I never thought he’d do this to me…. But here we are.
[added this video to my profile and bought a super boost](https://imgur.com/a/cad0ik6)
Thanks to kind stranger for the encouragement
Also have a new first date for Tuesday. Previous first date still hasn’t hit me back with her availability but she does work 2 jobs and apologized about it 🤷♂️
Thoughts on this: went on four dates with this guy, all great, we agreed to that we are looking for something serious but did not want to rush anything. I was still on dating apps and was going to go on a second date with another guy that I liked, but since I liked the first guy, I canceled and decided to focus on him. When I asked him if he was seeing anyone else, he said he wasn’t. and I told him I wasn’t either. But then he added that he wouldn’t judge me if I was seeing other people because “it’s only been four dates” and it made sense for me to play the field, but that he’d rather focus on one person at a time. He was going to
Come to my place (first ever) to hang out since it’s raining but then after the “only been four dates” comment, it made me feel like maybe I was attaching too fast and I needed to slow down?
Was rear ended yesterday by a driver with no insurance and the aftermath made me miss the guy who ended things with me via text 3 weeks ago. I just wanted to call him for support and/or advice… I resisted the urge but it’s funny how things just happen that make you miss those things. I was actually doing really well, too.
Girl… just say hey ! 👋 How has your week been ? 😊 It’s definitely okay, to say what’s up to him. It’s not like you’ve asked anything and are awaiting an answer.
Soo about a month ago, I made a post saying that I ran my first 2.5 miles without stopping (due to the winter loneliness, I had a lot of pent up energy.) Since then, I’ve been training consistently to be able to run long distance.
A week after I made that post, I ran my first 5k ever without stopping! My PR was 34 minutes. And just yesterday I did another PR 5K attempt after a month of practice and finished in 29 minutes!!
How amazing is that? I’m so shocked how quickly consistent running pays off.
I know I’m considered slow by people who run all of the time, but wow! This is progress and I’m really happy with it. 💪🏼
Would love and advice and/or encouragement. I (33F) have been on 6 dates with a guy (38M) I really like. We have great conversations, many interests in common, and good general chemistry. But the couple of times we’ve been intimate, including this evening, he’s struggled to stay hard. He’ll get hard when I give him a blowjob of handjob but then isn’t able to maintain it for PIV action. This doesn’t matter to me as I see it as something we can work on (plus he’s great at touching me etc in other ways) but this evening — which featured a premature ejaculation situation — he freaked out and got really embarrassed, and said he didn’t think things would work out between us. This despite my reassurance that he didn’t need to be embarrassed and that I’d had a lovely time with him nonetheless (which I had). I’m really thrown by it all because things have been going so well otherwise. And naturally, the situation is triggering all kinds of old insecurities I have about myself and my body. If he’s realised that he isn’t attracted to me then I understand wanting to end things, but if he’s ending it simply because he’s embarrassed then that will be a real shame. I’m sad because he’s the first person I’ve dated in a long time and is perhaps the kindest and most considerate person I’ve dated ever. Now I feel like I have nothing to do but wait until he breaks up with me more decisively.
Bothers me my GF takes forever to text back but is on Snapchat a lot…
I would appreciate advice on what to do.
I (35M) have the best job (~70k/yr, 5 wks paid vac+2wk sick, great health insurance, raises every yr) I could possibly get without a degree in the (med/high CoL) town I am in. While I don’t love my job, I am full of doubt that I could get an opportunity like this anywhere else and would feel stupid giving it up after working so hard to be in the position I am in. I have no debt except a very manageable car payment
I am approaching 1 year dating a contract traveler who works at a hospital in a very small town a little over an hour away from me. She commutes once a week here, and I usually visit her there once a week. We do not have the same days off. She works th-mon, I am M-F. Rarely, but sometimes her boss shuffles things around and she gets a weekend off.
I have always been afraid that my girlfriend’s contracts would not get extended and she would have to move on. She has looked into a permanent position in the hospital in my town and they wouldn’t offer her anything remotely comparable to the contract position she has had for the past year. Offering ~60k, when she currently makes almost double that.
It seems inevitable that there will be a cross roads where her contract might not get extended and she will have to move on or accept the lower paying offer in the town where I live. Or, I will have to decide that the relationship is worth continuing and follow her and try to find some kind of employment wherever she ends up. But what if she has to continuously move?
I was not expecting the hospital in my town to give such a low offer, I was hopeful that she could land a permanent position and we could start something truly concrete. Is it possible to make a relationship work where one person essentially gives up their career or starts over in one form or another?
How do you find someone who loves hard? I’ve always been a romantic who wants to date a romantic, but never thought anyone in real life actually did the romantic things until I met one of my exes. We shouldn’t be together and I’m glad we’re not but OMG how do I find another person like this?! Showing up at my door with freshly picked wildflowers, offering to do all my chores while I was at work, giving me multiple very personal pet names pretty early on, sex every day, seeing each other every day. HOW do I find someone else like that? I should be over this person but I’m not and it’s very specifically for this reason. It’s so hard to find someone who will act like they think about me all the time. Have you found techniques to find this kind of person?
6 months today with my girlfriend. Didn’t do anything special for it, we just had a regular date yesterday and I bought her flowers with a little note that said “6 months!”
My last couple relationships were starting to show some unfixable cracks around this time and I was deliberately ignoring them, so this kind of feels like a new place to be. Tentatively positive about the future 🙃
Feeling kind of silly at the moment. Did something wildly out of character last week and went to a speed dating event. Had no expectations going in, but had a really good time. Met someone who I thought I had really good chemistry with — good enough that even I could pick up on it, dummy that I am when it comes to this. Sent her a message via the organisers’ website the next day since we both rated each other highly. Still waiting for a response, but I can see that it has been read. Kind of feel like I got a bit carried away.
Trying out speed dating tomorrow for the first time. Not really sure what to expect, but I’m hoping the emcee gives some prompts or something. I don’t know what people talk about at these or if it’s just elevator pitches about each other lol
I feel like giving up on dating. That’s all.
Had a good first date tonight. Feel really bad – he suggested we take his car from our first stop to second and I casually kept suggesting other options. Finally he got it and he was SO surprised and hurt. I think he was shocked I wouldn’t just get in the car with him an hr after meeting…ugh I didn’t distrust HIM but
So I said I wanted a boyfriend, and it’s HIM. I’m gonna tell him next week. I’ve decided. If he wants me it’s going to be fine, and if he doesn’t, I’m gonna be free!
Going out with a cute boy for a second date to one of my fave restaurants tonight. Praying to the dating gods this one works out even though the statistics are against me 🙏
Just wanted to follow up from my post from yesterday — I asked out 7 matches when it had been silent for a week (their turn to respond), and 3 of them said yes! 🙂
I’m really happy bc these are also the matches I’m most excited about and feel the strongest connections with as well (makes sense, as they said yes quickly too). The other four haven’t responded yet, but it really doesn’t matter to me at the moment.
P.S. Not sure why my comment got downvoted yesterday but okay, maybe someone is jealous or insecure 🤷♀️ Takeaway here: if you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. So just do it.
I (44F) am, for the first time since knowing I am autistic, trying to go back into dating after a divorce. After a few awkward and unpleasant ghostings after dates where people said they would like to hang out again, I did a thing that I never do and asked someone who invited me out for coffee if she had asked me on a date or a hangout, mentioning that I tend to miss signals. I added that I was fine either way and was even amenable to a hookup if the vibe was good, but wanted to know what she was looking for. Then I prepared to get ghosted, haha. 👻
She actually said how nice that was, how she missed signals a lot too, and said that she was in a similar place of seeing where it goes and what the vibe was when we met. Communication is awesome!
She came out after work, but unfortunately, the coffee shop we wanted to go to was closed, as were the restaurants we wanted to go to. Everything in my city closes by 8 or 9 post-COVID. We came back to my house and I made something for us to eat, and we talked and had a really nice, comfortable flow of banter. The vibe was very good indeed, so we did hook up. The hookup was good too, very sweet and affectionate and respectful 🙂
After sex, I went wild on communication and asked her what a hookup means to her. Is it a one-time, NSA thing? She exclaimed, “Wait, what? Isn’t a hookup just another way of putting it when people have sex? “ I said, “Well, it can mean that, but it’s kind of an ambiguous term. Sometimes people use it to mean just, hey, we did the thing, but we’re never doing this again.” She was aghast, and said “Oh no! I want to do this again!” I said, “Good, I’m glad! I was kinda worried that saying you were cool for a hookup meant you didn’t!”
Then she left and promised to text me when she got home. She did and I said “thank you for visiting me! I had a really good time!” She wrote back, “Of course! You are so welcome! I had a really good time too! Thank you for cooking dinner!” I wrote, “let’s do this again soon! I will write you before next weekend to see what’s up.” “Okay, that sounds good!”
The next day, I woke up in a cold sweat. “Let’s do this again…” I had said. But what is “this?” Did I just suggest that we just hang out at my house and have sex again? What did we both just agree to do?
I wrote her on Tuesday to say hi and asked what her plans for the weekend were. She suggested that we meet for coffee in my town on Sunday morning (at the place that had been closed when we tried to go in the evening) and have a lazy rainy day hangout. So, going in public in the morning to drink coffee and talk? Sounds awesome and not just like “booty call” territory!
Man, good thing I communicated 😂 I also think she’s probably autistic too 😝Like, we are LITERALLY GOING TO GET COFFEE AS WE HAD ORIGINALLY AGREED TO DO. ☕️And neither of us knows what slang words mean or how people communicate, other than SUPER DIRECTLY. This works for me, though ❤️
I (31/F) have been dating a man (30) for 4 months now. I haven’t been in a serious committed relationship in about 6-7 years, so I feel like I am out of the loop with how things go. We started being exclusive 2 months in (I asked). He automatically assumed we were exclusive since he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I told him, this is something you just can’t assume. Now that we hit 4 months, I am having anxiety with where we are at. I hate being stuck in a limbo. Yes, I know he likes me, but he still hasn’t made it official. I feel like 4 months is a long enough time or am I crazy?
I refuse to be in another situationship, so I know I need to say something sooner than later. He went on a mini getaway with my family & I for NYE, I met some of his friends, his coworkers and clients ask about me, he says things like “we” and “next year”. SOOO, why the heck hasn’t he asked me to be official yet? Our values and goals align and he said in the beginning he was looking for a serious relationship. He is in touch with his feelings, but doesn’t open up that often so I’m not sure if that has something to do with it?
We are going to a concert together in a few weeks and staying at his best friends house along with his wife, so I would have thought he’d make it official before then, but no idea. It’s just giving me a lot of anxiety not knowing where we stand and I’m not sure how to go about it because I don’t want to ruin the concert vibes but waiting to have this conversation sucks.
Thanks to whoever read all of this!
Well, I got dumped today. Only a two month “relationship.” Why do things seem to go tits up so early when the beginning was so easy and effortless? I didn’t turn into someone else—I’ve been the same me since date 1. I don’t understand how it took two months to decide he just wasn’t that into me AFTER committing to exclusivity, being consistent in daily communication, spending a lot of time together, and always treating me special. I could understand if I Jekyll/Hyde’d him or if something happened like a big argument or incompatibility, but it didn’t.
If you’re not that into someone, wouldn’t you call it quits after like date 3? Now we’re having to figure out who gets to keep tickets to things we bought for a month+ away. I’m a bit floored right now & don’t know how to trust my instincts dating when things flip on a dime so quickly.
Rambling: Kiiind of admitting to myself that maybe part of the reason I’m so scared of trying to date again is because I’m actually really scared that nothing will ever work out for me. I’ve never in my life really allowed myself to fantasize about my dream relationship, or when I did, it was always like “pshh yeah sure that only happens in rom coms and it’s not real though.” And then of course I never did attract interest naturally so it’s not like I had that magical person who was going to like gently help me open up or whatever.
The idea of going through the entire process seems so intimidating. I’ve literally never had more than 3 dates with a person, the idea of finding someone who I can date for months, years, then get past the inevitable 3 or 6 month mark that everyone fears, all the other relationship milestones and then get MARRIED?? Have a whole life together?? Honestly seems harder than climbing Everest. Like genuinely can’t imagine it.
I mean I don’t think it’s a simple thing like “oh if you believe it it will happen” or whatever – I do genuinely also think there must be other issues making it more difficult for me than others, and I also think if I met someone who wanted to date me who I was actually attracted to, some of these things wouldn’t seem so hard. At least, they haven’t seemed as hard when I had a crush on someone, I could imagine how things could be enjoyable and not feel like scarier than doing a PhD. But on some level, I do feel like surely I’m too much, like guys aren’t genuinely interested in settling down and only do it because of social pressure, like no one wants to hear my emotional crap about my childhood and I need to take care of that shit myself and never cry in front of a partner (but uhh what was that about being vulnerable?)… yes I’m in therapy, although tbh, I think some of this *is* only going to be resolved by having a partner who shows me that all of this isn’t true.
(Sidenote: on the one hand everyone tells me I need to work on vulnerability but then on the other hand it’s like never share any trauma with your partner that you haven’t fully worked through in therapy or it’s TRAUMA DUMPING. Like which is it?)
Another swing and a miss. Went on another first date that seemed to go well but ain’t looking like it’ll go anywhere. Getting to the first date is an accomplishment but it feels frustrating to never get past that
I never dated much coming up and I think these women are picking up on that inexperience. Might be time to throw in the towel since you definitely don’t learn those skills at my age
I just turned 30 recently, and it’s been a kind of melancholy experience. In the past few years, I made some moves to get myself out of a rut in my life, and I’ve made some big moves forward in terms of my career prospects and social circle. However, I feel like I’ve made no progress at all in my love life, and while I try not to let it actively bother me too much, it’s been on my mind a lot, admittedly partially due to unrelated stress going on.
I haven’t dated since I was 19, and while it would be untrue to say it’s not from lack of trying (There was a hefty period of pretty major depression where I wasn’t really emotionally capable of putting in any effort), it’s never been by conscious choice. And while it hasn’t fully been 11 years of being miserable, it has been 11 years of being lonely on some level, and despite a lot of positive life changes, it truly doesn’t feel like I’m any closer to resolving that particular loneliness.
I’m definitely pretty hard on myself sometimes, especially now, as I’m in school without a car to get around, and I don’t really have the time for dating in the first place. But I can’t shake the feeling that it doesn’t really matter, because I wouldn’t have any more success if those obstacles were gone. I’ve been on dating apps for around 5 years, and while I don’t think I necessarily have the greatest profile out there, I have a hard time believing that it’s so bad as to justify just how little response I’ve gotten over the years (1 date without a callback and a couple dozen dead-end conversations). I’m in school for a technical field, so I’m surrounded by people 5-10 years younger than me, most of whom are male, and I find myself struggling to meaningfully expand my social circle in a way that introduces me to female friends, let alone potential partners.
To that last point, I also find myself frustrated by my inability to feel comfortable being open and friendly with women; I feel so self-aware of my desire for a relationship that I can’t seem to let go and just be friends, even if I decide I don’t want to date them. It’s all so very frustrating, and to a certain degree embarrassing, as I feel there’s a social expectation that I should have this stuff sorted out by this point in my life. Doubly so when I consider dating women my age, as increasingly it feels as though nobody would have the time to put up with my issues or inexperience. Therapy has helped some, though it’s also reinforced the frustration a little, as I’m encouraged to “let go” with some frequency.
All in all, it’s been a very middling 30th birthday, as I struggle with the very real and very reasonable desire for romantic companionship and intimacy, while at the same time feeling that I can’t make any progress as long as I refuse to give up on wanting it. I’d like to feel like I’m allowed to be truly bothered by being single, and not be okay that it’s continually missing from my life. I want to not feel embarrassed to grieve the loneliness I felt in my 20s, or to fear that I may never find what I’m looking for. I don’t want to feel these things, but even more, I don’t want to feel that I shouldn’t feel them.
The first date I had planned for tomorrow fell through. I appreciate him letting me know instead of ghosting but still. Thinking about sitting in my home by myself again tomorrow really has me feeling down 🫠