My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. It has been my best relationship so far. We have been living together for almost a year and it is nice, but I am struggling.
I have always been an introvert. I have a job that requires a lot of socializing, which can be very draining. I know people will say to change fields, but it is my dream field (veterinary medicine) , and I know it is a price I have to pay.
It does seem to be boiling over into my personal life. I work full time. I currently take a class online, and I take care of dinner, chores, and any other house organization for the most part.
So, my issue is I am having a hard time enjoying seeing my boyfriend at the end of the day. He gets home maybe an hour or 2 after I do. And in that span I have probably started dinner, cleaned some things, and worked on homework. So I want to be left alone. I know that won’t work long term.
He says he wants to help more, but I still have to tell him what to help with. He doesn’t know where dishes go if he has to put them away. If he offers to cook dinner, it isn’t completely a break because he’ll ask things like “how long do I cook this for? How much do I add? What pan do I use?” Etc, instead of just looking things up. Normally I wouldn’t mind because I enjoy cooking, and cooking with him, but it occurs while I am trying to get things done. When it comes to cleaning he will “just not do things because he knows he won’t do it right”
Is this weaponized incompetence?
The mental load is becoming unbearable. Once I’m done with tasks I just want to lay down and sleep, and he thinks our “intimate time” isn’t frequent enough. I’m just not in the mood as much because of this.
I don’t want to complain because he is the breadwinner and takes care of most finances. (Any personal finances I take care of myself and I pay for groceries)
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Have you made it through? Any and all advice is appreciated.
TLDR: My mental load makes me feel like I shouldn’t live with boyfriend. I am not sure how to handle it all.