My gf and I have been together for about 1.5 years; due to expensive housing situation, she lives with me while her two sons (17m and 20m) live with her brother (35m) in another home about 40 min drive away (same city though).
Recently, the 17m got into some extraordinarily serious trouble with the law. The end result is that until his trial, we would be his surety while he is under house arrest 24×7, or with us. Fortunately we do not live in the US so it won’t necessarily ruin his life forever.
This kid isn’t mine, and has always been problematic. I have never got along with him, having even calling him out on lies when we first met. Now he’s living in my living room, and as far as I can tell, treating it as better than jail and doing nothing.
I know he is scared of me since I can basically send him back to juvenile detention at any time, but he is so much the polar opposite of me. He slacks off at school, and doesn’t do anything productive with his life. Zero forethought as to what to do in the future. I accepted being a surety on the grounds that he would improve himself but I don’t think he realizes how serious I am. I gave him some pretty simple questions to assess him a couple of days ago and I expect him to half ass it. I like to keep active and since his mom is busy at work a lot, the kid has to come with me when I work out… except he doesn’t. He just sits there and does nothing. Tonight I find out that he’s intimidated by strong women. As such, he doesn’t do anything at the gyms or the team workouts. He talks a big game but there’s really nothing when you look past the words.
Given that he has annoying habits af, won’t even try to better himself in any way, and I don’t think he wants to change but go back to his old life when he will most likely get a conditional discharge on his charges (benefits of being a youth here), I don’t know why I am putting in any effort into this waste of a life. He will just end up bouncing in and out of jail, as far as I can tell.
So, how do I get through to him that if he doesn’t make any effort for positive change, I am going to send him back to jail on Monday (we celebrate his brother’s birthday on Sunday)? Doing so will almost certainly precipitate a breakdown in the relationship with his mother, but I am willing to accept that.
TLDR: my gf’s son is a delinquent, and is freeloading off of me without trying to improve himself. How do I convince him he needs to try at school or else I send him back to jail?