We were having a discussion about life and other philosophical topics, and we got on the subject of taking care of the family and raising kids etc. We have 3 kids, married for 4 years. When we got together, I was a single mom to one child, he accepted the situation, and a couple years after we moved in together. He bought a house while we were in the dating phase and he said, verbatim, “I want to buy a house so I can provide for my spouse and kids”. He told me this prior to buying the house. We move in, a few months after get engaged, and got pregnant with our 1st son (his first). Everything was gravy. We got pregnant again a year later, again everything was good. He is a great father, works hard, good with finances etc. He’s never indicated he wasn’t satisfied with the family life.
After a few glasses of Kentucky whiskey, during our conversation, he said “I never wanted this. I never wanted this kind of life”. He said he had dreams of moving on a farm like back in Mexico and live the simple life. I was emotional and asked what’s stopping him from leaving, he said because he’s trapped and has accepted this life.
It is often said that people express their true feelings while under the influence. My question here is, what should I do with this information? I begun to cry (like trying so hard not to but did anyway). Went to the shower and really contemplated calling the suicidal hotline because it feels like he never wanted me or kids and it’s my fault that he feels trapped. I just had a moment of what the fuck and started questioning everything about me. He also made jabs towards me about how im not successful on my own without him and how I don’t deserve a nicer home or better way of living because I haven’t “put in the work” (I have worked full time since I was 23, I’m 32 now, and am currently in school to get my bachelors, done this year). It was just a shit show, I have no idea what to even think.
TLDR: husband said some upsetting shit after drinking whiskey. Things I’ve never been told. Together total of 9 years