I (36F) have a sister (27F) who is, bluntly speaking, a zero. She lives with our parents and doesn’t work- graduated 6 years ago from college and wanted to pursue a job in computer programming but applies aimlessly (and sparingly), because she has confidence and insecurity issues and thus thinks she’s unqualified at everything. Has had no hits. She still has the same mentality today. Currently works a few hours/week tutoring the SAT, makes a few hundred/month which goes towards savings, which was wiped out after paying down her student loans. Doesn’t pay my parents any room or board, and barely helps around the house. Spends all day in front of her computer gaming or “trying” to job hunt. Sleeps at wacky hours bc she stays up super late at night chatting with online friends is constantly sleep deprived. Don’t let sunshine into the room. Rarely leaves the house. I should mention that I am from a culture where you don’t kick your kids out at 18, rather my mom has resigned herself to treating my sister as a dependent for life bc she’s scared of pushing her out into the real world and having something terrible happen to her bc my sister lacks street sense since she’s never left the house. You see the chicken and egg problem here.
My sister enrolled in a coding bootcamp which she almost completed, but was dismissed for plagiarism toward the end so is now on the hook for the entire tuition (tens of thousands she does not have). The interest on this is similar to credit card interest and would sink her into deep debt. My parents want to pay this off for her sake, as they think one day this will be their problem anyway. It is stressing all of us out. When i talk to her about it she definitely shows stress and concern, but seems paralyzed in doing anything to address it- I suggested she take on more hours tutoring but she cited her confidence issue (even though she already has a job doing exactly this, not to mention she scored a 2310/2400) and when I pressed the issue of accumulating debt she maintained that she still wanted to find a “long term career” in programming – even though she’s been applying to random places for 6 years to no avail, and is disillusioned (imo) in thinking that someone wants to hire a 27 year old for an entry level position normally geared toward graduates.
We have taken her to a psychiatrist- there is some combination of adhd and depression in play. Meds were prescribed but at some point she either forgot to keep taking them or decided to taper off. It is exhausting to micro manage her actions on a daily basis as I have my own family, and my parents are getting old.
Looking for advice here on what to do. Please no suggestions for my parents to kick her to the curb- my mother is against “abandoning” her and would rather raise her as a dependent until her death than see her potentially get into trouble (financial or physical) out there by herself without a job and housing lined up.
TL;DR: my 27yo sister is unemployed and in debt and has no real initiative to change this. We as her family don’t know what to feasibly do.