I’ll try to keep this as short as I can but I’m sure it will be long.
Background: I’m (24M) my gf is (21F) We have been together for a little over 2 years. We ourselves have been great but my mother has been a constant bother and making things significantly harder than they should ever have to be for someone our age. To give u an idea for a few examples. I can’t be out after about 10pm on almost any day because my mom has to get up early and she “can’t” sleep unless she knows I am home. If we ever go anywhere trip wise or anytime the situation would come up me and my gf are never allowed to sleep in the same bed. I can’t sleep over her house and she can’t sleep over mine (she does get to sleep over mine a decent amount since my parents are gone most weekends but still nonetheless) and many other small things similar to this that drives me/us nuts.
The pre-situation: without over explaining me and my gf are trying to move to out together. Part to note is it’s for an internship where housing is supplied for a year and if something happened like we broke up or whatever the case neither of us are tied down to a leasing agreement or something where one of us would screw each other over if we left. Anyway no surprise my mom is giving me a huge huge problem. The aspect of me leaving isn’t the problem she says she’s happy for me with that it’s because I’m moving down with her is her issue. Note after many talks with her basically the only reason she has an issue is because my gf comes from a poor family and it’s “embarrassing” for me to be with her. She basically has no problems with my gf herself other than making herself believe she will never succeed with anything or go to college. Which she is doing online college the last 2 years and almost has her associates degree with basically no issue so.. she’s in some kind of denial there.
I wouldn’t call my family rich. Probably more along the lines of mid middle class just my parents are older and almost retired so they have a decent amount.
The actual situation: so now it’s come for us to almost leave and I already had to fight a bit with being able to take my car since I do have to drive half way across the country and technically I could get away without it but I very much want to take and I plan to hopefully stay in that area permanently assuming things go well as well as the luxury of having a car in itself. So now the only way I can go is if my mom drives with us and I go with her after for a day or 2 to look at houses for when they retire (important note they were already planning on retiring in the area well before any of this it has nothing to do with the situation as to why they picked there) my car is going to be packed with stuff so basically now my gf has to wedge herself in the back of my car for a 16+ hour car ride.
Currently my gf kinda put her foot down saying enough is enough and I’m a grown adult and should be able to put my foot down and be my own person and not have my mother controlling me and I can’t get away from her. And that this will never change and will always be a problem. This no surprise has been the exact words almost to a tea with other partners I’ve had. Part of me is hoping that once I make this move and actually move away and have my own place most of the problems will end but she doesn’t think they will. And is possibly going to end our relationship or change her internship if I don’t in some sense cut her off.
To me yes I want her out of my life in the controlling manner but there’s things keeping me from outright ghosting her. My parents paid for my college and helped me in many ways financially and for the most part for some reason I don’t see her or them as outright horrible parents outside of this situation or relationship situations. But I don’t know what to do I feel like once we get through this last shitshow things will finally get better and she just has to deal with this car ride and a few more days and she just needs to get through it with me. But I really don’t know if I’m crazy for thinking that or she is justified.
So what is the correct best way for me to actually approach this am I wrong for thinking things will change when we are moved or is my gf putting her foot down to early before a good thing and should just deal with this last hurdle with her
TLDR: me and my gf are trying to move out together and my gf thinks my controlling mother will never leave us alone and always be a burden that she won’t want to deal with and I think once we move out it will improve but my gf wants me to stop letting her do anything we don’t want her to do
Sorry for the length there’s just a lot of moving parts. But I genuinely don’t know what to do and if my mom is making me believe things I shouldn’t and my gf is right about her and me or if my gf should listen to me that things will turn around when I don’t live with them?